Reign of the Girl-Child: Advice and discussion for moms of teen and preteen girls

Who's hot when you're seven?

2010-02-04T20:59:00.015-05:00

So I’m sitting at the table reading Ahab’s Wife. I picked it up at the library on a whim and wow, Mamas, what a beautifully written book! It’s left me on the verge of tears several times today. Not at all what I expected. I’d highly recommend it, especially during a blizzard, which happens to be the case right now.

Anyhoo, I’m at the table reading and my son is watching “Johnny Test,” a Cartoon Network show. It’s a pretty basic boy-style cartoon. Johnny is a kid who has adventures with his talking dog and his two genius sisters who get in him into trouble all the time with their science experiments. Whatever.

Of course with my highly developed mother-hearing, I’m reading my book and listening to the TV at the same time when it strikes me… within just a few minutes of programming, the kid in the cartoon has referred to one of his classmates as being “hot” about 3 times. What? Oh really? Time to put the book down and see what my kid is watching.

Why is it that a show that is rated TV-Y7 (suitable for kids ages 7 and up) has to include numerous references to kissing, hotness (of both males and females) and various levels of dating? I’m looking at my son, who is staring blindly at the television and I'm wondering, what the hell does he know about kissing, dating and looking hot?

Sure he probably knows what it means in context, but these are not activities or references that have anything to do with his 7-year old lifestyle. So why are they so prominent in the shows that are geared toward his age group?

I’ve noticed this on other shows, also. The references generally don’t add anything to the plot. They’re just sprinkled around for …what?... shock-value? cool-factor? Give me a break.

So of course, in true Reign style, I’ve got some helpful references to help parents navigate the 24/7 barrage of children’s programming. Use them to get the scoop on the shows that are being marketed to our kids and to explore the impact of this type of media on developing minds.

True Child --Imagines a world where boys and girls are free from stereotypes so they can learn, grow, and reach their full potential. They offer in depth reviews of popular kids shows.

CCFC -- The only national organization devoted to limiting the impact of commercial culture on children.

CMCH -- Created by the Center of Media and Child Health, this website strives to educate and empower people to create and consume media in ways that optimize children’s health and development.

Ask the Mediatrician -- A forum where science-based answers and practical solutions are provided for parents and caregivers. The really indepth Q&A will give you lots to think about.

Common Sense Media -- Dedicated to improving the media and entertainment lives of kids and families. CSM offers unique reviews of popular shows from both parents' and kids' perspectives.

Shaping Youth Created by former ad exec Amy Jussel, Shaping Youth is an invaluable resource that explores how marketing and media impacts kids.

Yeah, it would be easier to just turn off the TV, but these are nice, too. And they're a good way to stay informed, so enjoy.

Looking for a full-time job is a sucky, soul-crushing full-time job!

2010-01-22T19:14:00.006-05:00

It's been over 2 months since I've managed this blog space. I haven't looked at it. I haven't planned any posts or giveaways. I haven't even been checking the replies. "Why" you ask? Well let me start off by stating one terrifying fact that has smacked me in the face multiple times in the past 2 months...

Looking for a full-time job IS a full-time job!

It's also energy-sucking, stressful, ego-smashing, depressing, and soul-crushing. It's enough to send the strongest, most capable worker scuttling off to a lonesome corner to curl up in the fetal position and stuff Ben & Jerry's in their face. It sucks! And I'm not usually one to complain... seriously... ask my friends.

That being said, there comes a time when a girl has to pull herself up by her bra strap and take a hard look at the ashy, hair-uncombed, crusty-eyed face in the mirror and woman-up. And here's the lesson... feeling sorry for oneself not only doesn't do any good, but it's a mean, ugly cycle. You get down one day and the next day and the next and pretty soon you can't be bothered with any of the days. It's a scary place. Don't go there. And THAT being said, here are

Mommy B's Top 5 Tips for staying sane, presentable and in non-suicidal spirits during this sucky time of few jobs and fewer prospects

1. DO NOT ... I repeat ... DO NOT sit on the computer all day!

Yes, it's tempting to stay online all day looking and applying for jobs, but DON'T! Before you know it, it's 5 o'clock and you're still sitting at the computer in your pajamas and woolly socks with coffee-stains all over your shirt wondering where the day went because now it's dark outside.

2. Get some exercise!

You know the drill: endorphins, more energy, better attitude, blah blappity blah... who cares! All you need to know is that it feels good to burn off some of that energy that you're just wasting by sitting at home, worrying about finding work. DO IT!

3. Get some air!

Go for a walk. Mail a letter. Run some errands. Hit the mall -- of course you can't buy anything, but it's a nice change of scenery isn't it? Getting out of that house for a little while breaks up the day and makes you feel like you accomplished something. And it will do you some good to catch some fresh air and sunshine.

4. Keep some semblance of a regular routine!

When you're accustomed to getting up and going to work every day and then suddenly you don't have to do that anymore, it's not an easy transition. Yeah, it's nice to think that you'll be able to sleep in, take it easy, and catch up on your stories, but c'mon. Really? ... Really? Who's doing that and actually feeling good about it? Show of hands? ... I thought so. Once that first bill comes in after the severance is gone, you're not gonna to feel so relax-y. Create a routine for yourself... it will keep you from going insane. Mine is:

Get kids off to school.
Go to gym.
Run errands.
Look for job.
Pick up youngest from bus.
Get dinner started.

Of course it varies from day to day (and I usually find myself online looking for work again after the kids go to bed) but it's a base I try to stick with. It's keeping me sane so I won't mess with it.

5. Keep your head up!

Things will get better (I truly believe that). Don't lose touch with your old work friends. Most are probably in the same boat and you can share advice and stories. Go to lunch (a cheap one). Have a drink once in a while (a cheap one) and try to find the humor in this situation (like how is anyone supposed to survive on a $300 weekly unemployment check in the metro NY area? HHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!) because if we don't laugh we'll all certainly be crying. Hard!

This post was much longer than I intended. I just wanted to drop a note as to why I haven't posted in 2 months, but look at that! It turned into so much more! And it's made me realize how much I miss blogging. I'll do my best to start getting our standard Reign fodder up asap. There's way to much going on in the world of girl empowerment to ignore.

See you soon and Happy New Year!!

5 Tips for Raising Media-Savvy Kids!

2009-11-16T21:44:00.017-05:00

It's like talking to a brick wall sometimes. Or having a conversation with one of the squirrels in my yard. I can chase down, corner and talk the ears off of as many people as I want, but if the message about how much of an impact media has on kids isn't getting through to the right people, it's absolutely pointless.

I can explain how all media is educational . Whether it's good or bad, kids are picking up cues and learning from it.

I can talk about how dozens of recent studies have linked excessive media consumption to negative and downright scary behavior in adolescents.

I can even, show articles, statistics and informed blog posts that exemplify the growing worry that many people have about the impact of media on kids.

But if parents aren’t hearing me and making changes at home, then it's all just me hollering and waving around papers like some nut on uppers. So to give all of us smart Mamas (and Daddies) a hand in countering media influences, here are...

5 Tips for Raising Media-Savvy Kids

1. TAKE CONTROL OF MEDIA
Of course they enjoy their multiple screen-time, but the simple fact is, you pay the doggone bills so technically, it's all yours. There's nothing wrong with setting time limits on television, computer, video games, and phone usage. Setting boundaries on the media that kids are using is even easier since most television and Internet service providers have parental blocks that can be turned when needed.

2. EXPERIENCE WHAT THEY'RE DOING FOR YOURSELF
There's no better way to get a feel for what kids are watching, browsing and listening to than to try it out yourself. Get your Tweet, FB, IM, YouTube, "Degrassi," "106 & Park," and "Vampire Diaries" on ... and find out what all the kid-buzz is about! Then see what experts and other parents are saying about them at rating and review sites like Common Sense Media

3. GET MEDIA LITERATE
Several studies confirm that media literacy programs can “immunize” teens against harmful media effects, but first, we need to get "literate" ourselves! Organizations like the Center on Media and Child Health offer articles, tips, research and Q&A to help parents become more media savvy.

4. GIVE 'EM FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Encourage kids to take a deeper look at what they’re seeing in the media and question whether or not it's really OK. For example: Why is it so common to see images of half naked women in music videos while the men are are fully clothed? What does that say about the women? What does it say about the men?

The key to this is to engage in the media together. It's natural for us to want to turn the channel or flip the station when something inappropriate comes on, but many times, this type of content can be used to get kids thinking about the messages being conveyed.

5. EMPOWER THEM
Giving kids the tools to create their own media like counter-ads, blogs, music, web pages and videos is a great way to teach them how media is created. When they have an understanding of how messages are chosen for an ad, or why certain words and images are more powerful than others they can better analyze and resist the messages given in real media. A great resource for giving kids the experience of creating their own magazines, music and web pages is My Pop Studio.

So there you have it, Mamas. Go forth and empower!

The resources and tips in this post were complied from the presentation "Media Morality: How Media and Pop Culture Shape Adolescent Morality" by Carole Aksak, Critical Issues Coordinator, Girl Scouts of Nassau County, Garden City, NY, and Felicia Richardson-Battle, Author, Feel Good, Girl!, Glen Cove, NY.

A Wealth of Resources! Courtesy of Me & The Nassau County Girl Scouts!

2009-11-16T19:31:00.007-05:00

It's that time of year again. Back-to-back holidays are sucking us dry, kids are wrapping up fall sports and moving on to holiday parties and concerts, family is travelling in and out of town. It's a friggin' circus around here!! So what better time to stress myself out even more by volunteering to once again be a presenter at the Long Island Counselors' Annual Conference. It was a great experience, but thank God it's over!

Needless to say, with everything going on, my poor blog is looking a little sparse. But thanks to the conference and my co-presenter, the amazing Carole Aksak of The Girl Scouts of Nassau County, I now have a wealth of smart-mama advice, tips and observations to share.

Carole is the director of GSNC Critical Issues Initiative . This unique program is constantly on the grind to counter the very same issues that get our panties in a bunch around here, like hyper-sexualized media that caters to kids. It was an incredible honor to present with her! She's a real pro when it comes to tackling these issues. And with the clout and resources of The Girl Scouts behind her, I'm just a happy-- albeit puny-- fish in a big sparkly pond.

Over the next week, I'll be sharing some of the issues we tackled in our presentation. I think you'll find some great stuff that can be applied in your own endeavors to raise smart and savvy girls in a culture that constantly tells them that their power lies in their looks and how well they can attract boys.

Feel free to comment and share your own tips and viewpoints as well. The more we share, the more powerful we become! And don't hesitate to apply our viewpoints to your own lesson plans or workshops. Just please do follow the universal, bloggy-code-of-conduct and give credit to Reign and also to the bylines following the posts.

On that note, stay tuned all this week for more.

A Lesson in Media Contradictions

2009-11-06T00:07:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here flipping through channels because amazingly, even with over 800 channels to choose from there is still absolutely NOTHING to watch. Anyhoo, I come across "Hustle & Flow." It's a scene where D (the pimp) has just pimped Nola (a prostitute) so he can get an expensive microphone. She's pissed and hurt. He made her feel like an object. She wants a better life beyond being a convenient cash machine.

The viewer is made to understand. Feel Nola's pain. She's human. She has hopes, dreams and feelings. It's wrong for her to be made into an object for the pleasure of others. It's a powerful moment.

Then this commercial comes on...

.... sigh

The Case of Sara Kruzan

2009-11-05T14:43:00.003-05:00

I learn something new everyday. Check it out.

Sara's attorney has asked the public to please await their instructions in November with regards to any public actions on behalf of Sara. You can keep track of their actions at The Council of Daughters, a national network of women working to empower girls.

Right now, it's just good to be aware.

Is it open season on our daughters?! 15 year-old gang raped for 2 hours in front of an audience!

2009-10-27T13:06:00.008-04:00

If you haven't heard this story, Mama's get ready. If you're having lunch or dinner, I guarantee you're going to lose your appetite quick. Mine is pretty much gone for the day. Sometimes, I don't know why I bother to turn on the news.....

Police in Richmond, Calif., believe that more than a dozen people may have either watched or participated in a vicious rape of a 15-year-old Richmond High School girl that lasted for more than two hours. -- ABC News

Where the hell does one begin? Gang rape seems to be a growing topic in the news lately... this story out out Hofstra University (which turned out to be consensual, but the simple fact that any of those young people though that a "gang-bang" was a great idea boggles the friggin' mind), and you may or may not have heard about this one...which literally left me sleepless for about a week.

Obviously, this type of brutality is not just a problem in the US. Rape has been used as a form of warfare in other countries for years and reading this recent story out of South Africa will make you cry. But we're not accustomed to hearing stories like this in the United States, though certainly many rapes probably go unreported due to the victim's fear of being stigmatized.

Why is this type of behavior among young boys becoming common place? As it turns out, I'm working on a presentation for the Long Island Academic Counselors Conference on how media shapes our kids' morality. One of the studies I came across explores how violence in music and media can skew boys' view of rape as an immoral act. In other words, if they're seeing/ hearing about violence perpetrated on women on regular basis, they may eventually begin to accept it as a normal thing.

Sound crazy? How's this sound?

"Aint no fun "--Snoop Dogg feat. Nate Dogg, Kurupt, Warren G [warning: explicit lyrics]

Rapelay Video Game -Players stalk and rape a mother and her daughter

Grand Theft Auto Video Game- players can have sex with a prostitute then(if they feel the urge) kill her.

All very well known, completely accessible to and just a taste of what kids are exposed to on a regular basis.

Despite the insanity of recent headlines, the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) reports that Sexual assault has fallen by more than 60% since 1993, which is great news, but I'd be interested to learn about how these recent events are impacting those numbers.

Return of the un-girly giveaway! 5 winners!

2009-10-07T00:01:00.007-04:00

What better way to celebrate my return to the blogosphere than with a giveaway? And not just any old giveaway, Mamas!

Lemme tell ya something... This blog is a very delicate animal. The purpose of Reign is to empower mothers with information and products that they can use to in-turn empower their daughters. It's a niche… a tight niche. As a result, I don't get many marketing solicitations--which is fine because that's not why I do this blog. Plus, the solicitations I do get are sometimes a bit off topic (blinged-out tween jeans? I don’t think so, Kmart!).

But I was SO excited to hear from the PR reps for author Sharon Robinson, the daughter of baseball legend Jackie Robinson. Sharon has teamed up with gifted illustrator Kadir Nelson (Please, Baby, Please, Henry's Freedom Box, Please, Puppy, Please) to create a heartwarming true story about growing up with her father.

In the early 1950s, legendary baseball hero Jackie Robinson literally "tested the ice" for his kids who so eagerly wanted to skate on the frozen lake near their home. Under Sharon Robinson's skillful authorship and Kadir Nelson's vivid illustrations, TESTING THE ICE also becomes a stunning metaphor for her father's remarkable racial breakthrough.

Check this out

I received a copy of the book myself and let me tell you: the illustrations are spellbinding and the story brought tears to my eyes. But the real proof came when my 6-year old spotted the book on the table. He picked it up, stared at it for a few seconds, asked if was for him, and then scurried off to his room. I didn't see that boy for the rest of the afternoon!

Seriously, after that what else is there say? Nothing! May as well get to the goods…

One (1) winner will receive a TESTING THE ICE prize pack! Kidorable Hat, Glove & Scarf set (random styles) and one hardcover copy of the book. (A value of $52.99)

Four (4) additional winners will receive one hardcover copy of the book! (A value of $16.99)

You know you like it. You know you want it. Here's how you can get it...

Three ways to enter.
1. Leave me a comment here on Reign.
2. Become a follower of Reign on Blogger (publicly).

3. Follow me on Twitter

If you opt to enter via Twitter or by following, remember to leave a comment each time to tell me how you entered so it can be counted

Giveaway will end Wednesday, October 28th at 11:59pm. Winners will be chosen by Random.org and announced on this site.

Happy entering!

Back from Blog-cation! Whoo-hoo!

2009-10-06T14:02:00.008-04:00

It's been about a month since I began my blog-cation. Can't tell you how many times while watching some insanity unfold in the media that I almost tripped all over my own fuzzy-slippered-feet running to my laptop to blog about it. But a blog-cation is a blog-cation and I choose to keep my comments, thoughts and emotions to myself (unleashed them on my girlfriends instead...lucky chicks!).

But enough of that mess. Despite being swamped with the perils of raising children, managing a household, looking for work, and instituting several serious side hustles, I blog for a reason -- and hell, it's just not something you can give up so easily. It's like digital crack! --so I will be easing my way back into my bloggy habits slowly but surely. I'll be kicking off my return with a giveaway! YES! A giveaway! More on that tomorrow.

In the meantime, you can rest assured that I have had ample time to reflect, refresh and renew during my blog-cation. Also spent some time watching movies I would not normally touch ("30 Days of Night"....ccrreeeeppppyyyy), getting completely hooked on "The Office" (how have I been missing this show all this time?!) and becoming the soccer-sideline-screaming/volleyball-game hollering/coupon shopping/schedule-juggling/budget-maven mother that I never knew I was. There's more, but that will come later.

So here's to blogging! It's gonna feel so good to hit that "PUBLISH POST" button, I may need a cigarette and a shower afterwards.

REFRESH. REFOCUS. RENEW

2009-09-08T15:17:00.010-04:00

As I've said before: every Mama needs a break, but sometimes the need for escape entails more than just sneaking off to the beach. This summer has been a strange one for me. It's actually the first summer in about 20 years that I've been, well... work-free.

Taking the summer off for a little R&R is one thing. Taking the summer off because your company is closing and your job has been eliminated is completely another. Instead of planning trips, barbecues and beach outings, I spent the summer sending out resume after resume, hustling for freelance work, and trying to figure out how to make my piddly New York State unemployment dough stretch as far as possible . Yes, it's a whole new world for me.

But as they say, "when one door closes, another opens." I've been able to spend more time than ever with my kids, and yeah...they drove me crazy, but really that's what's it all about. The extra time has also given me a chance to focus on my writing, reconnect with some old friends, do a LOT of reading, and actually put the plan for my next book into motion.

And it's kinda nice not being pulled in so many different directions for once. Concentrating on one project at a time --rather than several work projects, my own personal work, plus family biz -- has actually taken some getting used to, but now I can truly see the beauty in not being so busy all the time. Multi-tasking is seriously over-rated.

On that note, it's time for Mommy B (that would be me) to take a little blogcation. Reign will hit it's two year mark in October, and can use a break. During my hiatus I'll be challenging myself with new personal projects, exciting work opportunities and of course writing, writing, writing. Refresh, refocus, renew... it's all about moving to the next stage. I'm excited!

And even if I'm not blogging in my own space for a little bit, I'm still a bloggirl at heart. I'll be blurking, commenting and guest posting on my favorite blogs every chance I get. So I'll be seeing you around, Mamas!

September is the best month ever!

2009-09-01T17:43:00.000-04:00

One more week and this will be me...

I don't care, they've got to go.

Back to School with a busted budget, some bling & an inferiority complex

2009-08-19T21:43:00.017-04:00

Remember when Back to School was covered by a Trapper Keeper, some paper and a few pens? Those days are long gone, Mamas. But you already know this if you've been looking at the 16-page supply list sent home by your child's school. This year, my son's list includes paper towels, hand sanitizer, kleenex, and two different sizes of ziploc baggies. I don't even have 2 sizes of ziploc bags in my kitchen.

Shopping for school clothes has also floated up into a whole new ridiculous realm. I can't remember ever seeing advertisers going after kids for back to school purchases quite so aggressively. I was recently contacted by Kmart to blog about their new Back to School ad campaign for tweens. Although I do appreciate the fact that the marketing folks at Kmart took the time to learn that I blog about issues that are relevant to moms of preteen and teenage girls, they still missed the boat with me.

Blogging to raise awareness about a wonderful program to feed the hungry, to help moms with the dreaded sex-talk, to introduce an awesome yet little known product for girls, or to highlight a safe girl-friendly alternative to social networking... those are things that I'm more than happy to promote here on Reign. Another clothes-horse campaign that pushes the notion that kids (especially girls) can't be happy unless they look, dress and act a certain way ... not so much.

Have you seen recent back to school campaigns like this, this and this? Same tired message in pretty new wrapping. Who needs the three Rs when you've got the three... um... well, whatever three letters you feel like pulling from... Hotness Factor, Label Love, and Brand-name Bling (not "bling" as in jewelry only, but bling as in all things show-offy and status symbol-y like phones, portable games, mp3 players, blackberries and other expensive toys and accessories).

Of course, playing on perfectly natural social insecurities of adolescents (Will I fit in? Am I good/pretty/cool enough? Will he/she notice me?) and parental worries about kids' well-being to make a sale is a standard marketing tactic, but that doesn't mean that I have to support it here. Yes, parents do have the strongest influence when it comes to children developing healthy self-esteem, but damn we've got a lot of competition.

Linking & Loving all Summer: Shaping Youth

2009-08-13T23:13:00.007-04:00

Big news. Consumer sales are down. No kidding. Even if you have a job, you're most likely holding on to as much of your paycheck as possible. Because who knows what tomorrow will bring in this economy? Hitting the mall is not at the top of any one's to-do list these days.

On a positive note, with parents reigning in their spending, kids have no choice but to tone down their consumer-crazy cravings as well. As the ever-enlightened Amy Jussel over at Shaping Youth points out, "Sale" is taking on a whole new hip vibe, which is fine with me. Despite kids still being bombarded with constant advertising, and then bombarding their parents with constant whining for new crap (or cash to buy new crap), it looks like Ma and Pa are finally telling Junior and little Suzy to be happy with what they have, wait for it to go on sale, or get a damn job. Value is back in vogue. Check out Amy's post to find how parents, teens, businesses and community orgs are working to combat the commercial pull.

Let's see how long this trend lasts. Marketers worked their asses off to get hold of their little golden geese... they won't be letting them go so easily.

Want to help fight hunger right now? Just leave a comment!

2009-08-06T09:53:00.021-04:00

More than 36 million Americans go to bed hungry every night - 12 million of them are children.

If someone told you that you could help fight hunger just by typing a few words, you would do it right? Well I'm telling you that you can!

The folks at ShopRite supermarket have recognized the pervasive problem of hunger experienced by so many people in the neighborhoods served by their stores. They've tackled the problem with the ShopRite Partners in Caring Program. For those of us who have a ShopRite in the neighborhood, we can just look for the special "ShopRite Partners In Caring" shelf tag. When we buy those products, the manufacturers will make a donation to the program. Easy-peasy!

But now, you don't even have to live near a Shop Rite to join the fight against hunger. You can do it right here! For the first 30 comments left here on Reign of the Girl-Child, General Mills and ShopRite will donate one box of cereal to a food bank in ShopRite’s trading area.

It's all a part of ShopRite's Bloggers in Caring Program and I'm more than happy to help. Thirty boxes of cereal may not sound like much, but when each box is going to a family who may be having trouble putting food on the table, it means a whole lot. So leave a comment and help the cause. That's it! Tell me that's not the easiest good deed you've ever done in your life!

NOTE: If you're reading this on Face Book, click here to leave your comment directly on Reign so it can be counted. Thanks for your support!

Locked in the closet…hiding from children.

2009-08-04T15:12:00.016-04:00

Yeah, I've done it! And you know you've done it too, Mamas! You've been tired, had 10 things going at once, kids raising a ruckus in the next room and you thought you might pull your hair out. So you turned down the burners, hung up the phone, made sure all offspring were in a safe, well-ventilated area and you just slipped away for a few minutes.

Hell, every Mama needs a friggin' break! Don't let anyone tell you different… hiding from children on occasion is not a bad thing!

When my kids were younger, my escapes would take place within the realm of the house: a bathroom, an empty bedroom, a closet; basically wherever it was quiet and child-free. Of course within minutes I would be found and called forth from said sanctuary because someone was hungry, needed a diaper change, had looked at someone the wrong way, couldn’t find a sock, or desperately needed to tell (for the 8th time) the story about how the squirrel in the yard chased a cat up a tree.

But this summer I've entered a whole new era of escape...{cue celestial light and angelic harp music}. My kids are older. They're off all day at camp, at friends' houses or having summertime excursions with saintly Aunts and Uncles who don't mind having children around. So with me being at home more, my escapes are... well... a bit more complex. Take today for example.

Here's me running errands this afternoon.

You know: the cleaners, the bank, the supermarket. Phew, busy busy.

I am still consulting, so I had to put in a few hours at the office...

Here's a co-worker of mine off to a meeting.

Tomorrow, I'll be stressed about the work situation, the economy, paying for college in 3 years, what's for dinner, and how the hell I'm supposed to get those black scuff marks off a white floor.

Today, I'm getting inspired. Promise me you'll go out and do the same!

Linking & Loving all Summer: The Girl Revolution

2009-07-30T11:36:00.016-04:00

In honor of this super Summer of Link Love, I'd like to share a wonderful post from Tracee Sioux's The Girl Revolution blog about body image, self-esteem and self-loathing. Normally I would do a long and rambling (yet witty and insightful) introduction for something like this, but Tracee's words are so powerful there's no need for me to say anything.

The post is called Self Loathing Sin Bank. In it, Tracee takes a hard look at how a mother's dissatisfaction with her own body can be mirrored in her daughter's body image. It's something that every mama, auntie, grandma, or anyone else who has a girl-child in their life, should be aware of.

Check out Tracee's post here and find out the genius idea Tracee came up with to help counter body negativity in her house. Smart Mama!

Skippy-flouncy girly-walks & the men who walk them

2009-07-21T23:59:00.000-04:00

My son (aka The Boy) is in summer camp all day, five days a week. I love it. Our city camp is amazing. The kids are busy all day. They swim, go to movies, take great field trips (They took a cruise around Manhattan yesterday. I was SO jealous!) and he comes home happy and tired. But he's also around new kids, some a bit older, and he's at the age when he's starting to pick up ... things. Here's an interesting conversation we had in the supermarket the other day:

The Boy says, "Look, Mommy. Look. I'm walking like a girl." He bends his arms up, lets his wrists go limp, then proceeds to skip/flounce quickly down the aisle singing, "Walkin' like a girl, Walkin' like a girl," in a squeaky, high-pitched voice.

I won't lie, it was funny as hell. Like stop-pushing-the-cart-and-grab-your-belly funny. But then again, it wasn't funny. Obviously, it required some addressing. So I say, "But I'm a girl."

I can see from his face that the gears are turning, but they haven't quite clicked into place yet. "Yeah ... You're a girl." he says suspiciously

"Right. So I guess I should walk like that," I say.

Now he's laughing.

"Is that how girls really walk?" I ask when he stops laughing. "Does your sister walk like that? Or Grandma?"

More laughter. The image of his grandmother skipping around like that actually cracked me up again, too. But then he says, real thoughtful-like, "No. It's not really how girls walk. It's how boys say girls walk. Or it's how boys walk when they act like girls."

"Yeah, but really girls and boys both walk pretty normally." I say

"Yeah." he says.

I left it at that. It wasn't a big deal, I just want him to know that stereotypes like that are silly. But then again, silly 6-year-old generalizations left unchecked (i.e. girls walk like this, girls can't do that, boys have to do this...) can turn into some really ugly generalizations down the road. And with the amount of stuff that kids are exposed to today (even more than when my daughter was his age 9 years ago) I'm going to do my best to stay on top of it.

This morning he asked me what sexy meant. First grade is going to be completely different from kindergarten isn't it?

A pregnancy break-down that even I can understand

2009-07-20T23:30:00.005-04:00

There are a lot of misconceptions among teens and young adults about how pregnancy happens. A look at the increasing rates of teen pregnancy is evidence of that. But honestly, how many of us are familiar with the pregnancy process? I mean, who's really up to speed on things like how long sperm lives in the vaginal canal or what the heck a zygote is?

You gotta love the Internet, Mamas. Sure, you can find a TON of trash online if you're looking for it (and sometimes even if you're not looking for it) but honestly, if you need medically accurate, real-deal information, the Internet is one of the best places to find it. You just have to know where to look. Of course, weeding through the trash can be a bit daunting, but that's what I'm here for. I found the best pregnancy explanation video on Planned Parenthood's Teen Talk site. Check it out here.

A quick note: Mamas of tweens may not be comfortable letting their younger girls view this vid -- as will be quite apparent once you peep the giant lecturing penis -- but if you have a teen at home, I think it's perfectly appropriate and extremely informative. Of course you know your teen better than anyone so watch the video and make an executive mama-decision for yourself.

And of course you can't just roll up to your teen and say, "Hey come 'ere, lemme show you this great sex ed video." Please. We know we need to be more subtle than that. What I did was set up a special folder in my browser's favorites and let my daughter know that if I came across anything interesting that I wanted to share with her, I'd slip it in there. That's where I save the links for educational videos like this, as well as a bit of YouTube foolishness to keep things lively. That way, she can watch it on her own time without letting me see that she's actually learning something.

Happy sex-edding. Oh and here's some other stuff that will enlighten your offspring (and you)

MTVs 16 and Pregnant -- It's not what you think. It's awesome.
Its Your Sex Life (IYSL) -- More awesomeness.
Stay Teen -- Always thought provoking.

A makeover makes everything better!

2009-07-13T11:31:00.011-04:00

A very interesting post at Michele & Lexie's page at the Examiner.com about image consultants for teens and tweens. These consultants charge big bucks (upwards of $500) to essentially give girls the "right" look so they don’t feel like outcasts.

Hmmmm…OK, I completely remember what it feels like to be unsure, uncoordinated, hormonal and frankly a little goofy as a young teen. No one feels completely confident at that age; and kids - especially girls - can be mean as hell if you don’t fit the mold. We've all, at some point, been left wishing that we could "just be like everyone else".

But the idea of using an image consultant to help a kid conform to an ideal rubs me the wrong way. What about individuality? What about being liked for who you are instead of being admired because you've got the right label on your blouse or your makeup looks great?

Is image consulting for teens a much needed service or is it just another ploy by marketers to capitalize on natural adolescent insecurity and piggyback on the narrow ideals that are already being pushed on girls… that their real power lies in their looks and their ability to impress others?

This is such an easy answer to the problem. Make them over. Make them fit in...all is well. Oh really? Wouldn't it make more sense to help all kids understand the need for individuality and accepting others for what's inside? Is it OK to just say Let's make them look great and they'll be fine ?

Is this the right answer for our daughters?

Out of Work Mama on a Coffee-Induced Rant

2009-07-09T11:19:00.006-04:00

Good News about Jobs

Jobless Claims Drop Unexpectedly

Mortgage Applications Up

Anytime I read news reports like these I have to wonder. Who the hell is writing these headlines? Good news? What good news? There is no good news about jobs, housing or the economy right now. I can rattle of at least two dozen names of talented, highly skilled, hard-working people who have been out of work for over a year. I can also name people whose unemployment (which is a sad $400 a week max in NY State, btw) will be running out soon. Good News? Where?

I've been looking for a job ever since my company announced its closing last November. And I’m not talking just diddling around with sending out a few resumes here and there. I'm talking actively cold-calling, propositioning, dancing, soft-shoeing and doing the just-happy-to-get-some-work jig. It took me 7 months to get the one interview I went on two weeks ago. It didn’t pan out. That's fine, after being sifted from hundreds of other applicants it was "just nice to be nominated." Frankly, I needed the self-esteem boost. But please, media-people; ENOUGH with the slightly optimistic headlines. Who the hell are you trying to boost up? You have a job. Stop it. It's effing annoying.

Much more my speed is this article from Time magazine that touts the power of negative thinking: Yes, I Suck: Self Help Through Negative Thinking. Mmm...yeah. That feels better.

On that note, tough times calls for some smart-mama sharing and as much free shit as you can possibly get your hands on. So here you go: Last day to win a FREE Nintendo DS game.

Giveaway ends tonight. Jump in while it's still warm and bubbly.

"Girls Can't WHAT?" - A chat with the creator. Part II

2009-07-02T13:03:00.006-04:00

As promised, here is the second part of my Q&A session with Girls Can't WHAT? creator Gretchen Cawthon.

Today, Grethen talks about her wildly popular t-shirt line and the work she's doing for charity. Plus, as a special treat for the star-blogger in all of us, she shares a bit of advice about driving traffic to a blog or website.

Socially smart, artistically-inclined AND tech savvy? Talk about the girl who's got it all!
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ROTGC: I notice that you are currently using your t-shirt and gift sales to raise money for charity. Can you tell us a bit more about that?

GC: I joke around that I'm doing it because "Shrek told me to!" but the truth is; I want to be able to give back to women's groups as much as possible. I like to set goals that are challenging, yet obtainable. One million dollars seems like a big stretch, especially when I'm starting at zero, but I'm used to starting with nothing and building. When I started Girls Can't WHAT? I didn't have any money to invest into the business at all. I started from scratch, never borrowed a single dime and today Girls Can't WHAT? brings in enough income to cover my expenses and be able to donate from charity. The referrals I get from the design of that site feeds my web development business which brings in my actual salary. My sole focus for Girls Can't WHAT is to be an inspirational platform for women and one way I can do that is by giving back to women's groups and supporting the dreams of others.

ROTGC: The t-shirt designs are fantastic. How do you come up with the ideas for different designs?

GC: I get requests for new designs from just about everyone. I probably get 2-3 requests via email every week and my friends and family frequently make suggestions. I am always scouting and coming up with new ideas as well. I keep track of all the requests and I have a place on the site where requests can be made and it lists which requests have the most "votes". I try to work on the most popular ones first, but sometimes creativity takes me in a different direction.

ROTGC: You get some great feedback on your blog posts. Since many of the readers here at Reign are also bloggers and big proponents of smart Mamas doing great things in the blogosphere, we've got to know how you're spreading the word about Girls Can't WHAT?. Social media? Word of mouth? Traditional advertising? Do tell!

GC: I've been fortunate in that a lot of other blogs link back to mine, usually to reference an article I wrote or a character I designed. Some of them just like the concept of the site and want to tell their friends. I am grateful that it's been inspirational to so many people.

I do use social media to spread the word about my site. Facebook has probably been the most influential tool. I have connected with so many of my high school and college friends and they have in turn told their friends and family about my site - not because I asked them to - they just did it on their own because they liked what they saw when they visited.

Recently, I hired a PR firm to get some more exposure. They have been pitching me to the blogosphere as well as to major print publications. I've gotten a fair amount of response from that and I am expecting a lot more to come from that relationship soon. It was an investment I have been pondering for quite some time and if things go as planned it will have been very worth it to let them handle those media outlets I couldn't reach myself.

One of my best "tricks" for getting visitors to my site is good SEO within the web design. My early experiences of learning to build my own site led me to additional work as a web designer/developer. Through that "accidental career" I began to soak in as much knowledge about SEO and Internet marketing as I could and that knowledge has been paying off in terms of search engine rankings and shop sales. Of course, I take that same knowledge and apply it to my web development clients and they have seen amazing results as well.

Thanks so much, Grethen, for the informative interview and kudos on creating such an inspirational site!
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Head on over to Girls Can't WHAT? now for more smart-mama talk and real-deal girl empowerment. Don't forget to bookmark the site and follow Gretchen on Twitter and Facebook. You're not going to want to miss her site updates and new t-shirt designs. I'll see you there!

"Girls Can't WHAT?" Let's chat with the creator! Part I

2009-07-01T01:23:00.010-04:00

Some things piss me off.

Like what I'm hearing about the fiasco that was the BET award show. Lil Wayne performing " Every Girl" -- as in "I wish I could f**k every girl in the world"...uh-huh, check the lyrics-- while his preteen daughter and other little girls danced on stage. What?!??! SOOO glad I opted not to watch. BET never ceases to disappoint.

Anyhoo, even after such sad social displays of misogyny and stupidity, I can always count on my fellow bloggers to bring me back to positive girl-child reality. Like when I came across a post on What About Our Daughters about a website for girls called Girls Can't WHAT? The tagline of this amazing website is Have you ever been told you can't because you're a girl? Hell yeah, I have!

Gretchen Cawthon,the incredible creator of Girls Can't WHAT?, explains:

My childhood experiences prompted me to create the Girls Can’t WHAT? website in 2005. It is here I share my personal experiences along with amazing stories and interviews from some truly inspirational women. Together, our purpose is to encourage women to pursue their dreams no matter what roadblocks they may
encounter.

The site is jam packed with real-deal inspiration for girls and women alike. But why listen to me jaw about it, when you can hear about it from the creator herself? Check out my chat with Gretchen below.

**********************************************************************
ROTGC: I absolutely LOVE the concept behind Girls Can't WHAT?. It's something that every woman has felt at sometime in her life. What made you decide to translate those feelings into such a positive outlet?

GC: I don't know that there was ever a "defining moment" that pushed me to create the site. It evolved more out of a combination of events in my life. I started seeing a pattern of gender discrimination in many of the fields I was interested in... music, technology, sports and business. The idea of "Girls Can't WHAT?" came when I had quit my previous job after being told repeatedly that "women can't do this" or "women don't do this". It blew my mind that my skills were being ignored because I was female. Ironically, one of the things I was told women can't do was "build a web site".

My husband suggested I take my Internet marketing skills and create my own site so I could work from home and be with our two daughters more. Essentially he said "why don't you go sell t-shirts on the Internet". That was in 2005. I thought it was funny at the time because although I had a lot of computer skills from teaching at professional levels, I didn't know a whole lot about web design or even creating graphics. I spent about a year with my head buried in library books
and blog sites learning php, html, css and other coding languages as well as learning how to use graphics programs to create my characters. Today, all that hard work has paid off in merchandise sales that support the site as well as women's charities and a spawned additional
work for me as a freelance web developer.

ROTGC:The site has lots of insight into girl-relevant issues and tons of great advice. Can you tell the moms here at Reign a bit about what their girls can do on the site? Also, what's an appropriate age for girls to begin visiting?

GC: My readers range from preteens to adults of all ages from all over the globe. I am very cautious about what material I post to the site and if there is anything that is geared to mature individuals, I preface the content with a warning. My 12-year-old daughter reads the site so I don't post anything I wouldn't feel comfortable having her see.

The site started with me highlighting a few celebrities and mixing in a few of my own stories. I then started interviewing women who weren't famous but were doing some really cool things like riding bulls and becoming fire fighters. My readers seemed to relate to those much more so I came up with the "share your story" option so women could post their own experiences and network with others in their fields as well as be encouraging to those who struggle to get past roadblocks due to gender.

A newsletter goes out weekly to subscribers which highlights the top posts and outstanding reader submissions. I also give away Girls Can't WHAT? gear to subscribers by randomly drawing names a couple times per month.

I'm currently working on bringing some social networking features directly to the site that will allow my readers to form groups that revolve around their career or interests. I think that would be a great way to hook up with other ladies who face similar challenges. The more brain power we can put into solving the various issues at hand, the better. Girls Can't WHAT? can also be found on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Youtube, etc.

****************************************************************

Check back in tomorrow for part two of this Q&A session with Gretchen Cawthon. And in the meantime, check Girls Can't WHAT to find out why I'm so excited about this amazing website.

South Carolina Circus is better than TV!

2009-06-30T15:35:00.013-04:00

I have close ties with the state of South Carolina. It's the home state of my parents and the Myrtle Beach area is practically a second home for me. So needless to say I absolutely can't stop watching the insanity going on with the SC gov right now. It's better than the movies, Mamas!!

First, he disappears for a week. Lies about where he is (oh, I'm just hiking. Yeah, that's it. Hiking right up here on the Appalachian Trail!). Then gets caught getting off a plane from South America (Doh!). Last week he held a far too long and kinda creepy news conference detailing his affair with an Argentinian woman, tan lines and all. Now, he's mooning like some lovesick puppy about how his mistress is really his soul mate, but he's going to try to fall back in love with his wife.

Is he dropping acid? Seriously. He's going to "try to fall back in love with her?" Rrriiight. At this point, his wife is probably like, "Uhh, no thanks. You can pretty much just keep it moving." Jenny Sanford is no dummy. FINALLY ... a political wife who's dealing with the embarrassment of a cheating husband with strength and a semblance of dignity instead of being given the standard 2 shots of Jack Daniels and a Valium so she can endure being propped up by her dog of a hubby's side while he spills his cheating guts to the media. AND she let it be known that her main priority was her kids, not her husband's career.

I DO like her! In my mind's eye, I can truly see her smacking him upside his head whenever he opens his mouth and lets dumb shit roll out.

What the hell is going on with these governors? Last year my state's former Governor Spitzer got busted with hookers. This year, my adopted state's governor decides to turn into the roving Romeo. Hmmm. Maybe it's me?

The most un-girly giveaway on the Net!

2009-06-25T08:00:00.007-04:00

I'm a girl. I like playing video games. Guess that makes me a girl-gamer. I'm not talking some recent Wii action, either. I'm talking old school Atari, first edition Nintendo, and Sega Genesis. Yeah... I'm old. So?

I was playing Combat when those slow-ass tanks seemed state of the art. I was a quick-shot with that bulky grey Nintendo gun. I dabbled with Street Fighter, stayed up late with Super Mario Brothers, and let's just say that I have a bit of an issue with Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. (Don't call me between 8:30 and 10pm, btw. That's Zelda time, baby!)

As a girl gamer I feel obligated to say that the recent influx of pinky frou-frou video games do not impress me. There's nothing wrong with creating games for females. I'm a marketing girl at heart. I understand the need for targeting and segmentation. OK, so maybe some girls don't have a desire to spend weeks exploring stunningly detailed landscape, hobnobbing with fantastical characters, and fighting the forces of evil in the sacred realm of Hyrule (my inner-geek is riding high today!). Maybe some girls don't like stealth and fighting games. That's fine. But don't tell me that this is the best you can do. Jeez!

When I play Mario Kart: Double Dash with my son, we're in a no-holds-barred duel to kick each other's butts. Sometimes I choose to be Princess Peach or Daisy and drive their zippy little feminine cart; and sometimes my son chooses them. That's the point. We can decide whether we want to be a princesses or Donkey Kong or some big lizard dude.

Creating a game "especially for girls" where the main selling point is that it's pink and all about shopping, fashion or make-up {gaaaaak...oh, sorry...dry-heaving} is a little insulting and pretty damn boring. Maybe I want to play a game like that sometimes,but other choices would be nice. And yet, it seems the pink invasion has only just begun...

image from Social Images: Seeing is Believing

David Gardner, CEO for EA's worldwide studios , says the the video game industry is failing women: "They don't want 'pink games'. They are not trying to play girly games where Paris Hilton and Britney Spears go shopping and put make-up on."--BBC News

Amen, David. So in honor of non-girly gamers everywhere, hows about a giveaway? Yes? OK! Check it out...

My Do It All is a toy chest jam-packed with mini-games and mini-tools. Stay close with friends by exchanging Friend Cards, play wicked tricks using the Voice Changer and Sound Effects machine, become a whiz kid with all its amazing reference tools, and even create your own, unique miniature you!

You like? You want? You can win! Three ways to enter...

1. Leave me a comment below.
2. Become a follower of Reign of the Girl-Child on Blogger (publicly).
3. Follow me on Twitter

Giveaway will end Wednesday, July 9th at 11:59pm. Winners will be chosen by Random.org and announced on this site.

Happy gaming!

Friends Don’t Let Friends Waste Content!

2009-06-23T00:00:00.005-04:00

After my hell month of May, I've come to realize that this summer will be bringing even more weeks of insanity where I barely have time to brush my teeth, much less write a blog post (and frankly, if I choose writing a post over brushing my teeth I need to get my priorities straight).

It's summer! The kids will be home, I'm still consulting and looking for a job at the same time, and family will be coming in and out of town all summer. There's day camp and other activities to deal with. So what's a blogger to do when life gets in the way of her and her laptop? Tracee Sioux of The Girl Revolution has come up with a wonderful solution. A whole summer of link love!

...what if bloggers didn’t waste all our fantastic content? What if we spend the summer copy and pasting our bloggy friends’ content on our blogs? The benefits include...

- We expose our readers to our own fave blogs, passions & friends.
- Our readers get new material all summer long.
- We get new eyes for our blogs by being featured on other blogs.
- We get links that up our rankings.
- Google still likes us for frequent posting.
- We get to spend our summer with kids, friends or on other projects.
- We get to read more blogs
- We get to re-juice. Writers need to re-juice.

The key is simple and easy for everyone. I’m talking about a summer of copy and pasting people. Copyright rules apply, links and attribution MUST be included in any story.

How dang easy is that? Well, I'm down. Get the details of how this Summer of Link Love works on Tracee's blog... and let's start sharing!

Would you send your daughter to "Wife Camp"?

2009-06-21T21:07:00.009-04:00

There's a new camp program in Canada that teaches girls how to be ladies. It's called Make Over Camp. The goal of the two week class, which is geared to girls ages 10 to 14, is to teach things like table manners, posture, conversation, fashion and make up and hostessing skills. Hmmmm .... interesting.

Don't get me wrong; kids today are definitely in need of manners. And I'm talking basics, like "please" and "thank you" type stuff. And helping kids understand the need for making good conversation, respecting elders, table manners, and I'll even give you good posture (i.e. walking like you don't have a bag of sand down the back of your pants), is great. Of course these are lessons that should be taught by parents, but that's a whole 'nutha story. The things that bother me about Make Over Camp are:

1) The name. In my mind (which granted is a little twisted but I've learned to use it to my benefit) "Make Over " is synonymous with "you're not good enough the way you are." Sending that message to 10-year-olds? I no likey.

2) Make Over Camp is for girls only. This part bothers me a bit more than the name. All kids need these lessons, not just girls. Teaching girls how to dress, wear make up, talk nice and set a table is fine, but what the hell are the boys learning? Creating and marketing this program for girls makes it into more of a what some people are calling a "wife camp".

Teaching niceties to girls alone makes sociologist Marc Lafrance irate. “It might as well be called Wife Camp! Is Betty Draper happy on Mad Men? No! She’s miserable! Things like makeover camp send the message that a girl’s value lies in being entertaining, ornamental, totally innocuous, accommodating and polite,” said the assistant professor of sociology at Concordia University. -- Macleans.ca

I have to agree with the professor on this one. What about you?

New York Healthy Teens Act Passed!

2009-06-19T19:13:00.010-04:00

I've been ranting and raving for the past year about funding for comprehensive sex education for our kids here in New York State. The bill for the Healthy Teens Act had been floundering in the State Senate for about 5 years. Meanwhile, the teen pregnancy rate in New York State (and everywhere else) has been rising. But today, I received the following in my inbox from the Family Planning Advocates of NY State:

We are excited to announce that this week, the New York State Assembly passed the Healthy Teens Act with huge bipartisan support! The 129-16 vote shows just how much educating your community and your Assembly member about the need for comprehensive sex ed has paid off.

The Healthy Teens Act would create a grant program to support school and community efforts to implement age-appropriate, medically accurate sex education programs. This program is vitally important in statewide efforts to educate young people to make healthy decisions and to prevent unintended pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted infections.

If you see me smiling this weekend (despite the forecast for more rain...where the heck is spring, anyway?!) you'll know why.

"Wordless" Wednesday. Umm, not really.

2009-06-16T22:51:00.010-04:00

I see that a lot of blogs participate in Wordless Wednesday. It's not something that I've ever done myself, but I enjoy visting all of my favorite blogs to see the images that everyone else is posting. Today, however, I'll make the exception and add something to the Wordless Wednesday hoopla.

Ok, so it's not exactly wordless, (and obviously I'm already doing it wrong because I got this big ass introduction going) but just turn the volume down and it'll be just as good. Believe me, you don't need the sound anyway.

Note: This has absolutely nothing to do with girl empowerment or smart mama discussion. It's just a lil' something that had me on the floor for about 10 minutes and made me choke on my juice. It would be wrong not to share that.

Enjoy!

Open her mind. Expand her horizons.

2009-06-09T14:14:00.017-04:00

In my book Feel Good, Girl!, I have an exercise called Mind Twisters where I challenge the girls to look at everyday things in a different light. For example, the concept that "pink is for girls" and "blue is for boys" is generally accepted by most people. But why are we so quick to conform to the pink/blue rule?

My daughter loves blue and has lots of blue elements in her room. When she brings new friends over to visit someone is guaranteed to ask, Is this your brother's room?.

And don't let a little boy get caught wearing a pink shirt or hat. In certain places he could be teased right off the playground. That's a lot of power for a color, no?

The way we view other people is another area that can be twisted up a bit. How much do our perceptions of people who look or act a certain way, impact how we feel about them? For example.

But my favorite twist-able topics cover the areas of gender cues and sexism.

Mind Twisters are a great way to get girls (and adults) thinking about the unwritten rules in society and the ways that we conform to them ... for better or for worse.

I recently came across a site with a huge collection of thought provoking images that definitely qualify as Mind Twisters. Sociological Images is a blog on the website for Contexts, a magazine published by the American Sociological Association. It features a collection of images (taken from magazines, television, videos,and even store shelves) and commentary that encourage a deeper look at our societal norms from marketing to beauty standards, to the way toys are sold.

SO interesting. I'm hooked!

Illustrations courtesy of Feel Good, Girl!

Girl-Friendly in a girl-hostile world

2009-06-02T12:38:00.011-04:00

Let's face it, Mamas. No matter how much the media screams "GIRL POWER," the fact is, our society is not very girl-friendly at all. Don’t believe me? Just ask blogger Tracee Sioux, who got a nasty surprise when she typed a certain word into Google.

One only has to Google the word “girl” to realize that the very word we use to identify young females of the human species, our precious daughters, has tragically become a four-letter word synonymous with porn. This tragedy is a result of a consumer culture that says it’s not only okay, but quite profitable, to consume girls.

Finding nothing but degrading images and sick fantasies from simply typing your gender into a search engine can be a bit disheartening. Or how about realizing that after flipping through magazines, watching TV or listening to the radio for an afternoon, your primary purpose in the world seems to be as something to be ogled, admired, grabbed and put on display and in to service?

What's your name? Are you good at math? Do you play a wicked flute? Can you run faster than all the boys in your grade? Who cares, honey!? Just make sure that you have a rockin' bod and a cute boy on your arm in time for swimsuit season.

Above magazine is targeted to ages 12 to 17, BTW. Sigh. Girl Power? I don’t friggin' think so.

But alas, my job is to shine a light in the places were real-deal girl empowerment is more than an idea used by marketers to sell lip gloss and shampoo. You want girl-friendly, you gotta look for it. Here are some good places to start.

The Girl Revolution
Sticker Sisters
What About Our Daughters
New Moon
Girls Can't What?
Shaping Youth
Girl Ambition

Stay tuned for more.

National Prevent Teen Pregancy Month is almost a wrap...

2009-05-29T14:44:00.005-04:00

... but that doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of smart folks who are going to keep the message alive and going strong.

And if the teens in your life haven't taken the awesome quiz at StayTeen.org, there's still time.

NO damn excuse for this s#@t!

2009-05-28T17:21:00.009-04:00

Today, I took brief break from the May-mayhem to get caught up on the state of the world. Man, I should have just stayed ignorant because there's nothing good popping in the news.

North Korea is tripping.

The days of being pregnant and eating a triple fudge sundae with brownie sprinkles and having everyone think it's cute are over.

The economy is still stagnant.

And of course, there's this mess. Now really Mamas, I'm not one to be judgmental. I'm as laid-back and open-minded as they come... but DAMN!!!!

Twenty-nine years old.

Twenty-one children.

Eleven different mothers.

Child support for each child = approximately $1.98 per kid.

What the hell can you buy for $1.98? Besides gum.

"Mommy I'm hungry."

"Don't worry baby. Daddy'll be here soon with your big pack of Juicy Fruit. You just chew real slow."

Talk to me about responsibility. What the hell is on this dude's mind? What's more... the mothers. They're killing me. I don't even know where to begin, aside from lining up all eleven in a row and running down the line with an open-handed smack. I hope those 21 kids are some super-resilient, ultra-determined little rugrats, or that they at least have other relatives with some sense to pick up the slack, otherwise, do any of those children even stand a chance?

Trojans anyone? Ortho patch? Nuva Ring? Depo-damn-Provera??! Hell, withdrawl method??!!! Something! Anything!!!

Call 911! May is trying to kick my ass!

2009-05-19T10:30:00.005-04:00

Help! The month of May is officially trying to kill me.

Between moving into a bigger place, little league games, graduations, graduation parties, birthday parties, and weddings, my poor blog has fallen to the wayside. I can hear it gasping for air, thirsty for enlightening information and empowering girl-friendly product recommendations. But alas, I've been too damn tired to even look at a keyboard, much less try to come up with something worthwhile to type into it.

So just a note... Reign will be back with a vengeance very soon. Just lemme catch my breath.

Let's talk about iSHOTs...

2009-05-07T22:51:00.005-04:00

… also known as Interesting S*!# that I saw On Television. "Interesting" being interchangeable with "stupid", "embarrassing", or "depressing." You won't find iShots anywhere else on this world wide web, Mamas. Especially since I just made it up. But rest assured, there's nothing better for assessing where we are in our slow-motion ride to hell in a hand basket than a review of the week on television.

Going back on Cali
Miss California certainly is getting a lot of flack for her answer to the gay marriage question, right? I thought the purpose of these contests (other than having a gaggle of tight teenage bodies bounce around in bikinis) was to encourage young women to be confident, which probably includes speaking their own minds. I may not agree with Ms. Cali's view on gay marriage, but I certainly agree with her right to say it. Of course the whole topless thing. That's another story.

Square Butts
I've been pretty quiet about the Burger King/ SpongeBob controversy caused by the "square butts" commercial. You know the commercial where that creepy-ass king dances around with women with square behinds to the tune of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts"? Honestly, the commercial is so stupid I had to sit it out. Is it funny? I can take it or leave it. Is it inappropriate? Well, view yonder creepy king taking out a measuring tape to get stats on one girl's butt. Or the end when Sir-Mix-A-Lot reminds us that "Booty is booty." Nice BK… thanks for teaching the Nickelodeon crowd the nuances of judging good and bad asses and the right way to portray women as pieces of meat to be ogled and measured. Good job.

Palin on Pregnancy
How interesting to see Bristol, Baby Trip (or is it Trigg?) and proud grandpa Todd on NBC yesterday morning dancing around the issue of whether or not kids need to be educated about other forms of birth control other than "Don't do it!" Of course, abstinence is the only 100% pregnancy prevention, but Bristol herself admitted not even 2 months ago that it wasn't realistic for many of today's teens. That tune is a-changing now though.

But I'm happy to see her speaking out. It's one thing to get pregnant at a young age, then suck it up and muddle through the trails of being a young parent, it's another thing entirely to say "This is what I did." "It's not a good choice"…."Make a better one." Hopefully kids will learn from her example and take what they need from it.… either you don't do it OR protect yourself! And considering that teen pregnancy rates are back on the rise (after years of steady decline) we need all the help we can get.

You look great, Dad…oh, by the way
Easily the worst commercial ever. Picture it...Middle aged man, struggling to tie his necktie. Says something like, "I never thought I'd be going on job interviews again." Daughter comes in to help with the tie and says something like, "You'll do great dad. Oh and by the way…" hands him a box of hair dye! Real subtle, hon! If my daughter handed me a box of hair dye before I walked out of the house I'd knock the stew out of her (my mother's saying, not mine. And for the record,I've never knocked the stew out of anyone that I know of).

But this weeks best iShOT must go to whoever thought it was necessary to make this news. I can't even remember what I wore yesterday, much less what the FLOTUS wore 3 months ago. If they're short on news, I can give them something to talk about.

The most important test your teen will take

2009-05-01T20:15:00.011-04:00

It's that time of year again!

May 6th marks The National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. For the entire month of May teens nationwide are asked to go to StayTeen.org to take a short, scenario-based quiz that asks them what they would do in a number of risky sexual situations. The message of the National Day Quiz is straightforward: Sex has consequences.

The quiz delivers this message directly to teens and challenges them to think carefully about what they might do "in the moment." Leave it to the folks at The National Campaign to create a quiz that's right in line with what's going on today by tackling the issues that kids are really dealing with like sexting and friends-with-benefits.

Like last year, I'll be having my girl-child take the quiz. I take all the reinforcement I can get in helping that child make the right decisions...especially if it's fact-based, down-to-earth, and wrapped up in a cool campaign that kids can't resist. The quiz also has a PDF version that can be printed out and used in group settings.

And for after the quiz and beyond, keep your kid on top of the facts of teen sex and pregnancy rates with Stay Teen's info page. It's jam-packed with brain fuel on abstinence, contraception, myth-busters, tips and more. Everything a teen needs to make good decisions now AND down the road.

Warm & Fuzzy about the Blogosphere

2009-04-28T13:29:00.006-04:00

What I do here on Reign really gives me a rush. Promoting girl-friendly products, discussing the issues that arise with raising daughters, shedding a little bit of light on the news and trends that impact our girls; these are topics that I'm passionate about and I absolutely love blogging about them. Why else would I spend all my time doing this for free?

But the best part about running this blog is the interaction I get to have with other bloggers, especially moms. These online spaces are not simply little diaries or musings about our lives. There's real power in these portals. And leave it to thousands of smart Mamas to leverage that power into a force that marketers and media alike have come to respect and even fear.

But most of all, blogging helps me realize that I'm never really alone. So many other women in the world are going through similar issues. Whether it's the trials of raising kids, suffering a loss of a loved one or juggling work, family and all the other crap that comes along with life; we all have similar experiences to share and much to learn from each other.

That became especially clear when I submitted this guest post to My Brown Baby. Not only was I able to purge myself of an issue that has haunted me for most of my life, but I got the wonderful surprise of learning that...I'm not the only one.

Sweet.

Cool Tools for Sex Chats with your Girl-Child

2009-04-21T13:07:00.014-04:00

I've been out of the loop for a bit. Reign has some catching up to do. But thanks to some of my favorite girl empowerment blogs, it's easy to get caught up on the news that’s impacting the teens and tweens in our lives. A recent visit to The Girl Revolution revealed some interested things.

In a couple recent episodes, Oprah offered some great advice on how parents can and should be talking to their daughters about sex. This included some controversial advice from Dr. Laura Berman that encouraged parents to buy vibrators for their daughters. Hmmmm. I'm not sure if that's really necessary. I'm damn near 40 and I don’t even have a vibrator. I'm an advocate of the happy-hand myself. A nice massaging shower head also comes in handy.

Part of developing sexually is exploring your body and discovering what all those little flaps and buttons down there do. Handing a 14-year-old a vibrator (which, by the way desensitizes many women to a more gentle touch that doesn’t have 9-volts of battery power behind it) sort of takes the mystery away. Plus, as one of the smart ladies over on the Girl Revolution pointed out...

[Vibrators for teens] would be a great theory if physical gratification was what they were looking for - but it’s not. They’re exploring, they’re trying new things - they’re looking for emotional gratification. As a teenage girl, I was looking for intimacy with a boy, I needed his love, his validation, his approval, his etc..etc.. Masturbation would NOT have been a substitute for that. They’re not having sex for an orgasm like teen boys are. --The Girl Revolution

Very true. Which is why it's so important to get a dialogue going with girls before they get so wrapped up in their search for love, validation and approval that they cast aside their own emotional and moral standards to get it. I was a teen like that. It may have seemed fun, rebellious and adventurous at the time, but it was bad road to go down. I don’t want my girl to go that route.

Not sure about how to begin the sex chat with your tween or teen? Check out this interview I did with Austin-based sex educator Karen Rayne recently.

And Lady O herself has provided some nice downloads for sex chats on her website. One of my favorite tools are these Questions for teens who may be considering having sex. They're right to the point, down-to-earth and perfectly sensible.

Screw all the asides and gentle talk. As mothers, of course we want them to remain virgins for as long as possible. Of course we want them to be one of the girls that rises above the sexual fray. But seriously... let's give them the information they need to make those good decisions, and the tools they need to keep themselves safe and protected if they decide to go another route.

5 Ways to Get Your Girl-Child to Think Healthy

2009-04-10T18:22:00.016-04:00

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a meeting with the Nassau County Girl Scouts. I was part of a group of supporters, parents, girls, volunteers and staff who were gathered to hear a presentation from the medical professionals from Long Island's Winthrop University Hospital. The topic of the day: Body Image and Eating Disorders. We covered:

Eating Disoders: This includes a spectrum of disorders from anorexia and bulimia to obesity. (Interesting Note: As I was typing this post, a newscast just announced that 1 in 5 preschoolers is obese.)

Disordered eating: This is a new term for me but one that I'm definitely guilty of. This includes habits like cutting carbs, restricting foods, and skipping meals (i.e. Coffee for breakfast. Salad for lunch. STARVING by 5 pm. Go home. Inhale everything in fridge.) They may seem harmless, but over time, these habits can lead to poor nutrition, unhealthy weight loss and obesity.

Media influences on body image: The average model/celebrity seen in magazines and on television is 23% smaller and 4" taller than an average woman. With that in mind, it's disturbing that girls as young as 3rd grade are now dieting to attain that certain look. **********************************************************************
With so much to think about, we wanted to discuss what parents could do to encourage healthy attitudes. So without further ado, here are 5 ways to get your girl-child (or any child for that matter) to think healthy:

1. Watch what you say about your own body, Mama.
We can't tell our girls that their bodies are beautiful and then turn around and complain about how fat our butts look in our stretchy jeans. Girls pick up on and internalize those negative cues whether we want them to or not.

2. Kick junk food out of the house.
Yes, it's easier said than done, but if there aren't any chips, cookies or snack cakes in the house, then no one can eat them. Popcorn, fruit, granola bars and baked tortilla chips with salsa are a better alternative to salty or sugary snacks. Or try this. Blend fresh fruit, honey and yogurt into a smoothie. Pour it into popsicle molds (or ice cube trays covered in plastic wrap so you can add a stick) and voila! Fruit pops!

3. Help her understand that media images not real. Nobody looks like the models and celebrities in magazines and on television. They don't even look like that. A great example of how those glossed-up, retouched, made-over, picture perfect images are created is the Dove "Evolution" video.

4. Send her to My Food Pyramid
This interactive website is a great way to help kids (and adults!) interested in nutrition. It has a really cool tool that will tell you just what you should be eating every day based on your height, weight and age. It even has creative ideas for getting your correct daily dose of grains, veggies, fruits, diary, proteins and oils. Plus games, printouts and special sections for kids. Fun!

5. Get that girl-child up and moving!
Who says you have to join a gym or own expensive exercise equipment to get fit? "There are so many different ways to exercise and most of them are so much fun that [your girl] may not even realize what a great workout [she's] getting! Rollerblading, jumping rope, skateboarding, bike riding, walking, and playing team sports are all fun and easy ways to get her body moving. One of the best forms of exercise? Dancing! If she does it for 20 minutes, just 3 days a week [she's] got herself a real exercise program." - Feel Good, Girl!

Got other ideas for getting kids to think healthy? Sharing is caring! Leave 'em in the comments so we can all give them a try.

Boys will be bo... Hey! Cut that out!

2009-04-07T23:52:00.004-04:00

So I'm getting my son (from this point on referred to as "The Boy") ready for bed tonight. He's supposed to be getting his jammies on but, being male and all, he of course has to take a few minutes to wrestle with one of his stuffed animals.

There's a hierarchy for the stuffed animals around here. Bruiser, is a chubby hound-dog-looking guy who's been around since The Boy was a baby. As a matter of fact, Bru was sitting in the crib waiting for TB to be born. He's been around since day one. He can do no wrong.

Whiffer is a smaller stuffed hound dog who came along a bit later in the game. Probably when TB was about 6 months old. He's still a favorite, but for some reason he's become a small bean-filled scapegoat. If something goes wrong, it's probably Whiffer's fault.

So anyway, TB's wrestling around with Whiffer when I tell him to cut it out and go brush his teeth. So he says to Whiff "You just wait until I get my Wolverine Claws. Then you're gonna get it."

Mommy reaction: gasp…gasp…gasp…rolling around on floor clutching heart… OK not really, but I was surprised.

These are the "claws" my son was referring to.

Damn! Would NOT want to see those things coming at me in a dark alley.

Now I'm an X-Men fan. I grew up reading the comic books, thanks to my comic-lovin' cousin (who's a new daddy by the way. Go Rick and Ruth!) There's a "Wolverine and the X-Men" television show on NickToons now (which I actually watch) and a new Wolverine Orgins movie that is coming out next month. I'm not in the dark about what goes on cartoons and in comic books. But we're talking about a 6-year-old. He hasn't seen the X-Men movies or read the comics so he's only been exposed to the tamer side of the brand. This is a kid who just 8 months ago was obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. Now he's talking about "getting" his stuffed dog with pretend claws. Jeez.

Yeah, yeah. Kids go through stages and he's moving out of the preschool stage into more of a "boy" area. But seriously what kind of anger issues are going on in this boy area? They're wrestling, doing pretend jujitsu on each other, shooting lasers out of their hands and chasing each other around with toy light sabers and swords. Basically trying to destroy each other.

We accept this behavior a "boys being boys" but is it really? Boys are naturally competitive, and lovers of action and movement. So does that translate into trying to kill, maim and beat the crap out of each other? Or is that coming from somewhere else?

Editorial Note: I explained to TB (not in these exact words) that even thought Whiff is just a stuffed animal, it's still pretty creepy and really mean to threaten him or anyone else with large metal/plastic claws. Also that Wolverine uses his claws to help people, not the hurt his friends.

Menstruation Celebration! Win a Red Goddess Celebration Box!

2009-04-01T16:14:00.005-04:00

As promised in yesterday's post, my Q&A with Marianne Impal is below. Marianne is the creative genius behind Red Goddess Celebration Boxes for girls.

I first learned about these boxes on The Girl Revolution and I loved the idea so much that I had to share. So many girls approach the arrival of their first periods with feelings of dread. These beautiful boxes are a way to turn that special time into something to cherish rather than fear.

Check out Marianne's interview and then find out how you can win a Celebration Box of your own!

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ME: The Celebration Box is such a beautiful sentiment. What gave you the idea to start creating them?

MI: Thank you! The idea came about after reading the best selling novel “The Red Tent”. Even though the Red Tent was not the primary focus of the book, there was definitely an emphasis where girls looked forward to becoming women. Women nurtured each other and the sisterhood shared between these women was very refreshing to feel. I knew instantly I wanted to recreate this ritual for my daughters, so that their transformation into womanhood would be a positive experience for them.

I told everyone I knew who had daughters this idea, but it wasn’t until years later when a good friend tried this concept with her own daughter. She said it was a beautiful bonding experience and she thanked me for it. I realized that telling people by word of mouth wasn’t enough… I wanted all girls to feel this special. It’s been my goal ever since to help change the perception of what girls think womanhood is all about. I feel it’s up to us women who have already been there to help honor these girls going through this journey in today’s world and acknowledge their physical, hormonal and emotional changes with respect and celebration and not silence.

ME: The items inside of the boxes are so unique, and they really have a warm almost soothing quality about them. How did you go about choosing them?

MI: My first thoughts on envisioning this celebration box, was that it be a treasure passed down from woman to woman. What I would want my daughters to know or things I wanted to share with them now that they were officially women. Because "The Red Tent" focused on women nurturing each other by rubbing one another’s legs and feet, I wanted to take this bit of ritual and modernize it for today’s young girl.

With my back ground in Shiatsu Acupressure, various bodywork modalities and yoga, I knew that there were ways to naturally draw energy away from cramps. Combining those rituals with these experiences, I created bath and body products exclusive to Red Goddess. I then went on to talk with other moms about their experiences getting their first period… what they would have wished went differently, or what products would have been helpful, had they known. We are always open to new ideas.

ME: Have you gotten lots of feedback from people who have bought boxes? Are there any special celebration stories that stand out?

MI: Yes, the feedback has been amazing! My main concern was getting feedback from the girls as well as the parents and so far so good! The great thing about The Red Goddess Celebration Box is that it doesn’t have to be given just to a daughter. We’ve seen many cases, where the gift is given from an Aunt, Godmother, Grandmother and even single Dads.

It’s hard to choose which story stands out the most, but I guess I would have to say when a woman called me with concern about her 12-year-old granddaughter, who didn’t want anything to do with becoming a woman. She didn’t want to discuss it and definitely didn’t want to know anything about getting her period. The grandmother wanted to know my thoughts on giving this box to her granddaughter. I explained that it was perfectly normal for a girl her age to not want to discuss the very major changes going on with her body.

The great part about giving this box is that it’s a gift with a HUGE message behind it… that sometimes the girls don’t even realize. Giving and talking about the box, puts the focus on this beautiful treasure and AWAY from her.

A few weeks later I heard back from the Grandmother, thanking me. She decided to tease her granddaughter with the box, letting her take a peek inside and know that this was something she was going to pass down to her when her time came. She said it completely changed her granddaughter's mind, piqued her interest and now [the granddaughter] can’t wait for her day of womanhood to come!

ME: OK, I divulged my first period experience in yesterday's post, (it's SO un-Celebration Box-like). In the spirit of menstrual-unity…can you tell us about yours?

MI: I’m fortunate that my experience getting my first period was a positive one. I was a late bloomer and didn’t get mine till a good 14 years of age and by then ALL my friends had their period and I thought something was wrong with me. Of course everyone kept telling me I didn’t want to get it, but just to be normal, I did want it.

I remember waking up late on a Saturday when no one was home and feeling very crampy. I thought to myself, “Could I have gotten it? Nah, I’ll never get it.” But, then I checked and saw that it was true. I remember my legs trembling with fear. Even though I thought was prepared, I wasn’t.

My parents came home at that perfect time. When I told my mom, she flew her arms up in the air with a huge smile from ear to ear and gave me the biggest hug. She congratulated me and then showed me what to do. She must have told my big sister and my aunts because everyone pulled me aside to congratulate me when they saw me. I felt like I was part of “their world”.
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Win a Red Goddess Celebration Box!

Enter to win by leaving me a comment. You'll get double entries if you share the story of your first period. (Hey, I shared mine!)

Contest will end at midnight on April 15th. Winners will be choosen by Random.org

A quick sidebar...

2009-03-31T13:54:00.013-04:00

OK. I was minding my own business. Doing some research. Reading the news. Just doing my daily blogger thing. And I was feeling great in anticipation tomorrow's pending Celebration Box interview and giveaway. Promoting empowering products for girls always puts me in a good mood.

But then I ventured over to MomDot and discovered this:

WTF?? {Gasp! Wheeze! Gasp! ... rolling on floor clutching heart}

Here's a question... At what point does a designer take a step back and say "Hmmm. This tiny bikini design is interesting, but perhaps not appropriate. Maybe I shouldn't market these as being so cute and innocent since the people wearing them will probably be very young children and ~~walking~~ toddling around in a bathing suit style that adults wear to be sexy is not a such a good idea for an 18-month old."

Oh, I guess that never happens. My bad.

Why not just toss in a few toddler-sized thongs and pasties while your at it? Or maybe a few of these...

Oh don't even get me started.

Thank to the ladies over at MomDot for pointing this out. How does everyone feel about this?

Menstruation Celebration! A 1st period welcome fit for a Goddess!

2009-03-31T00:32:00.001-04:00

I remember that day well: the spotted tissue... my initial shock... the surprise on my mom's face... the rush to get the StayFree lesson in before I had to leave for school.

My first period was all fat sanitary napkins and sympathetic tones from my mom. And of course, the big womanhood talk, "Well you've got your period now. You know you can get pregnant. Don't be out there messing around with sex."

OK, so my 1st period experience won't be making it into any pubertal anthologies, but it's mine, so I'll never forget it. When my own daughter had her first period, I'm not sure if her experience was much better than mine (my fault of course). There was nothing special about it. Which is probably the way it is for most girls. You get it. You slap on a pad. You move on.

But the days of the slap-and-go may soon be a thing of the past. Thanks to Marianne Impal and her Red Goddess Celebration Boxes. These beautiful boxes are filled with all of the items a girl needs to welcome her first period and "celebrate her journey into womanhood."

Now, I could very easily sit here and ramble about these boxes all day (I think they're absolutely fantastic!), but why listen to me when you can hear from the woman who created them? I caught up with Marianne for a bit of Q & A.

Pop back in tomorrow for the interview, plus a chance to win a Celebration Box for your own young goddess.

Look at all those goodies. It's like a treasure chest! You know you want it. Hell, I want it! Find out how you can get it tomorrow!

Britney-Mania, Clueless Parents & Lyrical Madness

2009-03-26T12:04:00.015-04:00

Chances are, you'll never hear me bravo-ing it up for having children at a young age. Some people feel that it's the way to go ("When they're grown up, I'll still be young enough to enjoy life."), but I'm not one of them.

I had my girl-child when I was fairly young (22-years old and barely out of college). I won't lie. Those first few years were HARD. Working, scrimping, saving and struggling to make ends meet was our reality for a long time. I was lucky because Jasmine's dad (aka Hubs) and I choose to stay together to raise her and we both had college degrees to back us up as we struggled up the job ladder.

But even so, it was a difficult, humbling and sometime humiliating experience (I'll regale you with tales of my forays in the world of welfare and social services some other time). A lot of things were put on hold (i.e grad school), and I missed out on many experiences that other 20-somethings were having. Would I change it if I could? Hell no. Girl-Child is the best surprise I ever got, and having a teenager in the house now does have some perks.

She's fun to watch TV with. We can watch real shows together (i.e. NCIS, House, Secret Life of an American Teenager, or Sponge Bob) and laugh at the same jokes, discuss the deeper issues, or argue about the plot.

She can do REAL stuff to make my life easier. Her own laundry, taking care of her little brother, getting dinner started for me, and (as this summer will prove) getting a job and ending the annoying habit of mooching off me so much.

She's a good outfit gauge and will not allow me walk out of the house looking like a mismatched clown, a hobo, or this ...

One of the most interesting things about having a teenager at this age is that we tend to listen to the same music. It may not seem like a big deal, but when I hear Lil Wayne seeping out of her earbuds hollering about how he's planning to "beat it like a cop", I know what he's talking about.

And this is not to say that I enjoy Lil Wayne -- you're not going to hear him floating out of my mp3 player anytime soon-- but with lyrics like that being the norm these days, it's kinda important for parents to be aware of what their kids are listening to and to talk about it. Discussing the lyrics of current music is also a great way to sidle into a mama/girl-child chat about body image, sexuality, and other issues. I touched on this a few weeks ago in my interview with Dr. Rayne

"… music is a great conversation starter. A lot of people just gloss over lyrics, but music is a place that is just rife with fodder for good conversation: “What do you think of this song we’re listening to?” “Wait, I didn’t catch that, what was that last line?” “Is that OK?”
Talk about the song and what they like about it. If they do like it that’s fine, but at least now they’re being thoughtful about it." --Dr. Karen Rayne, Reign of the Girl-Child.

So I tune into hip hop, reggaeton and pop music as much as possible to stay in the loop and prevent myself from getting caught out in the open completely clueless like these parents at a recent Britney Spears concert…

"In a survey of four different sets of parents escorting their preteen girls to the show, none knew about the R-rated message suggested by the title of Spears's latest single, "If U Seek Amy."-- Washington Post

That same article revealed that although most kids did NOT consider Britney a mentor they did say that she was "awesome", "rockin'" and "hot". Or they said it as best they could through chattering teeth; which is what happens when you wear a belt-length mini-skirt and halter top in 40 degree weather. Hmmm…

I got no job, but I'm still FABULOUS!

2009-03-16T22:18:00.020-04:00

So I may have mentioned once or twice that I joined the ranks of the unemployed a few months ago. As part of my "going away" package, my former company set me up with a career transition coach.

What the hell is a career transition coach? Seriously, that's what I said. I had no clue. And I had no intentions of finding out. I'd never needed coaching in my career before. Why would I need it now?

But then I thought it over. It's a free service (the tab being so generously picked up by the folks who gave me the boot). It's a reason to get out of the house and spend an afternoon in the city. And furthermore, the older I get the more I realize that new experiences are the spice of life (cue breezy New Age music here). Plus... did I mention it's a free service? Who am I to turn down "free"?

So I donned my city-walkin' shoes (aka... black Converse) hopped a train and trekked on in. I met with a very nice woman who basically brainstormed with me for 90-minutes. We talked about my career goals, my book, my dreams, my current work situation, my resume, and the fact that I was not "laid off" but "due to downsizing and the current economic climate, my position has been eliminated." It was a very worthwhile appointment.

Will it help me snag the job of my dreams? Probably not since my dream job entails sitting on the front porch of my seaside bungalow in jammies and mukluks working on the next great children's fantasy novel. But then again, she did give me some nice ideas for marketing my book. And I was able to analyze my strengths, reformat my resume, and come up with a sweet little personal pitch for myself. Ahem...

"Professional writer, author & speaker specializing in girl empowerment issues"

Still out of work, but I can pitch my ass off! Whooooo!

Apparently everyone needs a pitch these days. You know what that means, Mamas. Let's hear your personal pitches!

Speaking of Sex Ed...

2009-03-14T23:07:00.016-04:00

Speaking of talking to kids about sex I came across the video below during my bloggy travels today.

My daughter watches "The Chica's Project" on MTV3 sometimes. Crash and Yasmine are the two 20-something chicas who run that show. Now the girls have another show called "Crash & Yasmine Uncensored" where they talk about whatever they want, however they want. And that's just what they did in this episode where they discuss the difference between getting "pregnant" and getting "knocked-up."

Ok, so it's not exactly health class fodder. But it is real talk that tackles the issues, misconceptions and mindset that many girls have about sex and pregnancy. And on that note, it's a winner in my book. It gets an ROTGC gold star!
Special thanks to The National Campaign's Pregnant Pause blog for giving the video some extra shine. Well worth the watch.

Talking sex with your kid: A chat with Dr. Karen Rayne - Part II

2009-03-10T22:46:00.019-04:00

We're still rolling along!

Part two of my chat with Dr. Karen Rayne continues below. You'll also find a chance to win a copy of a free book! Just keep on reading.

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Me: Your blog is very straightforward and you pull no punches (I LOVE that!). Do you find that many parents are frightened by such frank discussion?

KR: Oh yes. [laughing]. I’ve had parents and even teachers tell me that I recommend talking [about sex] too early. But my response is really that if you find your kid really doesn’t know what you’re talking about or is really freaked out about it, then you stop. You have the pleasure of working exclusively as a parent with your child so you have a better sense of your children than I do. But children know far more than we give them credit for.

I teach a couple middle school classes right now and some of the parents came to me in the beginning of the classes and said, “You know, my kid is so naive. Some of your content areas, I don’t even think my kid will know those words.”

So I always say “Oh, thank you so much for letting me know that. I’ll be sure to introduce it gently and very slowly.” And then I get the kid in the seat and it’s like a whole different person. I mean, they have questions! And they want to know the answers to them. But they do not feel like they can go to their parents.

Some topics are hard topics. Date rape. Abortion. A whole wide range of STDs and the fact that you can easily have one and not have any symptoms. These are all things that you really need to know by the time you’re in 8th or 9th grade. Regardless of where you are or whether or not you’re engaging in any kind of sexual activity.

I mean I had a middle-schooler ask me what a nipple was. This kid was 13, 14 years old. Everybody has nipples; we should all know what they are. But the other side of that is this child was listening to really intense rap music with very sexually damaging and derogatory lyrics about very painful situations. And so it’s this balance again of lack of knowledge combined with kind of an extreme exposure to sexuality and sexualization through the media.

Me: Are there good books that parents can use to supplement their teaching?

KR: I love Body Drama by Nancy Amanda Redd, it’s just great. It’s for girls who are looking for specific information about specific parts of the body, like how to keep your nails clean, your face clean. Very basic things. I haven’t really found something equivalent for boys.

Heather Corina who runs Scarlet Teen wrote a book called S.E.X:The-All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You through High School and College. I think it’s a great book for a 16-year-old.

And in terms of books for preteens you’ve got the sort of all-about-puberty books like the What’s Happening to Me? books for boys and girls. The Body Book for Girls, and anything else in the American Girl line of puberty books.

Me: Some of us began having sex discussions with our kids when they were young because they asked questions. But now that they’re older, they prefer to discuss things with their peers. How can we keep the lines of communication open as they get older? Should we just push books and websites or should we still try to reach out?

KR: Absolutely still reach out. Never stop trying to reach out. That is what makes such a big difference. Even if your kid isn’t talking with you, you still need to keep that conversational door open; which is really hard to do. I’ve had parents come in and say “You know, I try to go in once a week to talk, and the conversation is entirely one sided and I hate it. It’s exhausting!

But here’s the thing. The perception of those conversations can be very different. The parent may have the perception of being ignored or getting rejected. Whereas the kid can have the perception of “Wow, Mom keeps coming in with these really interesting ideas questions and thoughts and I don’t really know what to say, so I don’t really say anything but what interesting ideas she’s giving me.

Me: So they do still hear us, even if they seem not to want to be bothered. They are listening?

KR: Right. So it’s not something that we should drive down their throats. But it’s something that’s important to keep bringing up in ways that feel comfortable to you even if they don’t seem like they’re comfortable to your child. Sure, it’s very hard to do but it’s your responsibility to do because it’s your child.

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Thanks again, Karen for giving us so much to think about and so much to work with when it comes to talking to our kids about sex.

In honor of Karen's good advice, I'm giving away a free copy of the What's Happening to Me? (winner can choose the book for boys or girls). Enter to win in the comments section by March 23rd The winner will be chosen by Random.org and announced in the comments section.

Talking sex with your kid: A chat with Dr. Karen Rayne -Part I

2009-03-09T17:54:00.020-04:00

You've got kids. Kids have questions. Lots of questions! Eventually, those questions are going to go from "Why is the sky blue?" to "Where do babies come from?" What are you gonna do then, Mama?

Honesty is the best policy in my book (even if it's akward and makes your kid look at you like you have two heads) but some Mamas are a bit more conservative. How do we strike a balance?

When in doubt, call in the pros. That's why I jumped on the horn with adolescent sex educator Dr. Karen Rayne. We had a nice conversation about kids and parents and questions and sexuality and lots of other good stuff. Check out the first part of our our 2-part chat below.
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Me: Between the Internet and television, kids today have a ton of different ways to get information right at their fingertips. Does having so much information at their disposal give kids a disadvantage when it comes to learning about sex?

KR: Well it’s really this double edged sword. When I was in school, we had good sex education here in Texas. They brought out condoms and we put them bananas, we talked about AIDS and HIV in depth, and also some of the emotional ramifications of sex and sexuality. It was a pretty good class. It taught me a lot.

So now we’ve moved from that kind of paradigm, where there’s a class being taught by a teacher who has specific information, to a paradigm where there’s this wealth of information that’s frequently punctuated by really inappropriate things. This is combined with an attitude of silence and repression in many schools. And this does of course vary by state so I’m talking primarily of here in Texas. We spend the most money on abstinence-only sex education in the country and we have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the country. I know that there are some states that are doing a really good job with sex education and I think that can really be a counterbalance to the problematic aspects of the internet

At the same time the Internet is a really good place for kids to go. If they’re looking for information, there are lots of sites that have it. As long as they have a sense of where to go and where not to go, they can get good stuff online. They need to know a couple of good sex Ed sites. Sex Etc, Advocates for Youth, Scarleteen are some good ones.

Me: What’s the best time for parents to start talking to their kids about sex?

KR: So by that question do you mean what is the best time to start talking to kids about intercourse? Because of course you start talking about sex with them when they’re babies. Things like helping them name their parts, and the reactions you have about them touching themselves, and the way you talk about your own body (like whether you’re sucking in your tummy and saying “Oh I’m too fat” in front of your three year old), that’s all about sexuality and that’s all sex education.

But typically when people ask that question they’re talking about when do you talk about intercourse with kids. That’s really something that is very cohort-dependant. There are kids that are just exposed to it a young age. And if they’re being exposed to it, they need to have conversation about. So if they’re seeing media or television shows where people are having sex, they need to be talking about those things with their parents.

My kids are pretty sheltered. They’re in a private school where there’s not much media viewing. But even here where isn’t that much of an influence from media, I tell parents, that they need to tell their kids by the end of first grade, beginning of second grade. And environments where there’s much more media, it may need to be even younger.

Me: It makes sense that they should be talking about it if they’re seeing it, because it’s pretty much every where.

KR: It’s absolutely everywhere. It’s in the dolls, on television, even in the children’s movies

Me: Oh yes, the kids movies the sexual innuendos. [Editorial note: Shrek anyone?]

KR: Right. And it’s those unspoken cues that really get into their psyches. So they don’t know what questions to ask. Parents will say, “Well they haven’t brought it up yet.” Well they don’t know what words to use. But you do! So you have to be the one.

Me: I think television is probably a good way to do that too. I’ve sparked conversations with my daughter during commercials or shows with inappropriate stuff in them.

KR: Yes, Television is a great way in. Also, music is a great conversation starter. A lot of people just gloss over lyrics, but music is a place that is just rife with fodder for good conversation; you know. “What do you think of this song we’re listening to?” “Wait, I didn’t catch that, what was that last line?” “Is that ok?” Talk about the song and what they like about it. If they do like it that’s fine, but at least now they’re being thoughtful about it.

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Pop back in tomorrow for Part 2 !

Next Week: sex chats, free books, warm days, & more!

2009-03-06T22:17:00.010-05:00

Next week is shaping up to be really good.

For one, the weather forecast is predicting temps in the 40s and 50s. After the insane winter we've had here in NY (2 degrees, anyone?), I won't be surprised to see people walking around next week in shorts (I'm not even kidding. Some folks get carried away at the hint of warmer weather).

But I'm most excited about my much anticipated chat with adolescent sex educator Dr. Karen Rayne. I just got off the phone with Karen and I have to tell you ... this is an interview that you do not want to miss.

Lots of great advice for talking to kids about sex, like when to begin talks with younger kids and how to initiate and maintain talks with older kids ... cuz, let's face it: that one-time birds & bees talk of yesteryear is loooong gone. With kids getting so many cues from the media and peers, parents need to supplement all that iffy information with good advice every chance they get.

But I'm getting preachy now so I'll stop. Just be sure to stop in next week to check out Karen's interview. Or better yet, use the little box on the right to subscribe to my feed. That way you'll get note in your feed-reader when the interview posts. Easy-peasy!

Top 10 Tips for the Smart Girl-Child

2009-03-04T17:27:00.009-05:00

Ok, I lied. There are really only five tips here. But honestly, no one wants to read one long-ass post of tips. Plus, this should be a joint-mama effort so please add your tips in the comments area to round out the list and inform us even further.

These tips are just a few of the things that it would have been nice to be more aware of during my own tween/teen years.

1) Don’t know? You better ask somebody. It’s the 21st century. There are a thousand different ways to get accurate information and knowledge. Not sure about something? Use your resources! Ask someone who knows, call a hotline, Google it, visit a library, watch PBS, and read, read, read. Ignorance may be bliss, but it’s not gonna help you when the time comes to bake a cake, balance a budget, or escape a bear attack.

2) Following the crowd will only get you as far as the crowd is able to go. It’s no secret, the crowd is full of dummies. You’re following them, they’re following someone else, and 9 times out of 10 the person at the front is an idiot. Think for yourself. You already have what it takes.

3) Treat your body with respect or it may just flip you off and give up. At this very moment, your body is doing about two-dozen functions on its own (i.e. without you even realizing it) that are keeping you alive. Heart beating? Check. Internal organs "organing"? Check! Brain regulating and keeping all systems running? Check! Breathe much? Check!

All this and the only thing your body asks is that you feed it the things to keep it strong and healthy, exercise occasionally and cherish it with love and affection. It's not hard to do those things. It IS hard to run up 3 flights of stairs when the elevator is broken and you're late for an appointment, after you haven't exercised in 5 years.

4) Love the body you have, not the one you wish you had. If you show any woman over the age of 30 a picture of her herself as a teenager she will probably marvel at how fit, toned and healthy she looks in the picture. Problem is, most of us spent our teen years hating our bodies and wishing we had better ones. Too bad we weren’t just enjoying our strong, energetic young bodies back then, instead of hating them. Now many of us are busy wishing we had those bodies back. See? It never ends! Don’t waste your time doing that.

5) Listen to your gut! The best advice you're ever going to get comes from the last place you'd expect. It comes from you! You know when a situation is not good because the tight knotted or queasy-swirly feeling in your gut tells you so. If something "doesn't feel right", it's probably not. So take your own advice and get the heck outta there.

And that's the list.

Got more smart girl-child tips? Add ‘em in the comments, area. Sharing is caring.

Are we bad parents?

2009-03-02T01:33:00.000-05:00

A conversation over on Good Enough Mother, got me thinking about the way we raise our children today. One of the moms started a discussion about the infamous snotty 'tween attitude. I know all you Mamas are quite familiar with the symptoms:

the what-eveeeerrr tone
the I-am-11-years-old-and-I-know-everything smart-Alec reflex
the eyeball rolling
and of course the ever present, If-it-doesn't-concern-me,-it's-probably-not-really-that-important-anyway syndrome

All kids go through a stage like this. They're testing the waters. Pushing their boundaries. Trying to find out who they are. It's normal stuff. But honestly, let's be real... with preteen girls, it can seem more like--as one of the GEM moms put it-- "someone has kidnapped your daughter and replaced her with a snotty brat." Ditto that!

This wasn't an issue when I was a preteen. When my mom said "jump", I said "how high?" Of course, I would be thinking some really nasty stuff in my head, but it would never pass my lips; not if I valued my lips... or my life.

My daughter is not outrageously disrespectful or anything, but the child does have a mouth on her. And at times, she doesn't seem to know when to keep that mouth shut, but does that mean that I'm not doing a good job as a mom?

Hmmm......

Well, it's true that I would have never spoken to my mother the way my daughter talks to me sometimes (whether it's playful talk or serious sass), BUT at the same time, I also was never comfortable enough with my mother to go to her when I had big questions or a serious problem. And I had some pretty serious issues as a young teen. I also realize that not speaking my mind (i.e. keeping my mouth shut a little too much) is part of the reason that I had some of those serious issues.

I think my daughter realizes that she can talk to me about anything, because I try to keep our communication as open as possible. I also know that that girl will not have any issues telling her peers, a boyfriend, or anyone else "NO" when she's asked to do something she's not completely comfortable with. So if dealing with a bit of a smart mouth means that she will come to me with real issues or speak her mind even when it's not easy, I'll take it.

Eyeball rolling though....that's a WHOLE other story.

Today, Everybody Wins! ... Sort of.

2009-02-23T21:25:00.020-05:00

So we've got a winner for the Good for You Girls Skincare Kit giveaway. Whoo Hoo! Congratulations to Caitlin H. who was faster than a jackrabbit on a hot plate when it came time to enter her answers to claim the prize.

I'm sure the girl-child in your life will love the kit, Caitlin. And you can feel good about giving her products that are created with pure, high quality ingredients. After learning about some of the potentially dangerous chemicals used in mainstream beauty products, I think we can all appreciate what the women at Good For Your Girls are doing.

Thanks again to everyone who entered the contest. And don't feel left out if you didn't win. The ladies over at Good for You Girls have been nice enough to offer us something special, just because we're us...

A COUPON! Look, it's got our name on it! Go forth and save.

WTF? Wednesday

2009-02-18T00:13:00.005-05:00

Just when you thought it was safe to come here to Reign for informative product highlights, interviews with smart mamas, and other good stuff, here I come to pinch you awake (with one of those hard Grandma-in-church pinches) and bring you back into reality.

While much of the blogiverse is reveling in the sweet, reflective silence of Wordless Wednesday, you can kick back and enjoy the irritating screech of strange, frightening and flat out ridiculous news right here. Like nails on a chalkboard, this stuff is. Oh, there’s just too much going on to keep quiet today!

Times are tough all over. What's a guy to do when he can't afford to keep his FIVE mistresses? Hold a talent show, judge the women on their looks, and eliminate them American Idol Style, that's what! Sounds reasonable, unless one of the women loses her cool and decides to off everybody.

A little ironic? The founder of Bridges TV, a station that aims to counter negative portrayals of Muslims, has been arrested on the suspicion of beheading his wife (and the mother of his two young children). The wife had allegedly been seeking a divorce. Some feel that this murder should be investigated as an honor killing. Nadia Shahram, who teaches family law and Islam at the University at Buffalo Law School, explained honor killing as a practice still accepted among fanatical Muslim men who feel betrayed by their wives.

Well whaddya know? In her first interview since giving birth, the teenage daughter of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said having a child is not "glamorous," and that telling young people to be abstinent is "not realistic at all." The teen said she wanted to tell her story so that other young people might think twice about having sex. These are the smartest comments to come out of the McCain/Palin campaign...ever. I like this girl. I think we’ll be seeing more of her.

Chimp Attack. I’ve never been a fan of chimps, especially not the overalls-wearing, cigarette-smoking kind you see on TV. It’s nothing against the chimps themselves, I just never really saw the humor in dressing up a wild animal in Osh Kosh and making it ride a tricycle. Plus, they just look too much like humans ...but not quite... which is a little creepy. They have knowing eyes. Like they’re looking at you and thinking stuff. So if chimps are as intelligent as science says they are, how long do you think it would take before one goes postal after being put in diapers and kept in a cage most of its life? How long would it take you?

There's more, but I'll spare you and let you get back to your quiet reflectiveness. After this post, I can use some cheering up myself. I'm off to explore the rest of the blogworld. If you'd like to get a quick pick-me-up (or at least get your mind off the chimp story) check out the "Top Notch Blogs" on my sidebar. Lots of good stuff there.

13-year-old fathers child. This is news?

2009-02-13T22:39:00.005-05:00

Excuse me Mamas, while my fingers run amok across the keyboard in a news-inspired rant. Blame it on that big-ass cup of coffee I had after dinner. Blame it on perimenopause (nobody told me this crap started in your late 30s!). Whatever the cause, it will be over soon.

A 13-year-old in London has fathered a child. The media, the government, and the entire civilized world is up in arms gasping, clutching their bosoms and rolling around on the floor.
“How could this happen?”
“Where are the morals?”
“Where were the parents?”

What the hell? Get up off the floor, people! Has everyone just returned from a 25-year vacation under a rock? This is not new!

Have we forgotten about this mess?

this mess?

this crap?

Or this insanity? (Tossed in just to get you scratching your head)

I always considered European governments to be much more forward thinking than the US about issues like sex-ed, hyper-sexualization, and teen pregnancy. But this news story makes it seem that the UK may be as late to the ballgame as we are when it comes to pulling one’s head out of the sand and addressing the issue of teen pregnancy prevention, instead of springing into action when the problem is already out of control .

Comments on the 13-year-old father include:

Former Conservative leader Iain Duncan Smith "It's not about being accusative: it's about pointing out the complete collapse in some parts of society of any sense of what's right and wrong.

That sounds pretty accusatory to me. I'd like to see him try to point out the "parts of society" where kids aren't experimenting with sex at younger and younger ages. But he'd be about 25 years too late in his pointing. I was in middle school with a pregnant classmate. That would be 7th grade! Where was all the head-shaking and moral hand wringing back then?

And Prime Minister Gordon Brown said he was not familiar with the individual case, but told Sky TV: "All of us would want to avoid teenage pregnancies."

Duh!

I guess most of the uproar with this 13 -year-old is coming from the fact that he looks like he's about 8-years-old. That baby faced-kid (holding an actual baby) really makes the story hard to ignore, which is probably why he's being held up as an example.

Chris Brown & Rihanna bring an important issue to light.

2009-02-10T06:48:00.007-05:00

Everyday I learn more and more that we live in a world of coincidence. Some wonderfully serendipitous, like the fact that I’ve been able to flip my experience as a blogger into a consulting stint with my former employer (more on that later!), and others… just friggin’ sad and scary.

Last week was National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week. The bloggers over at The National Campaign were concerned that people would acknowledge the week and then, like so many other commemorative events, just forget about the cause.

No such luck.

This week, one of the most popular celebrity couples in the nation has been pushed into the limelight for the very actions that the campaign is trying to bring attention to. This situation with Chris Brown and Rihanna has much to reveal, but whatever this case brings to light, one thing is for sure…dating violence is an issue that needs more attention.

Stay Teen offers these sobering stats on dating violence:

1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
One-third of teen girls say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
One-quarter of teens who have been in serious relationships say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family.
Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.

If anything, maybe this case will let the nation know how serious this problem is.

Unemployed Mama takes a breath

2009-02-09T23:09:00.006-05:00

So last week was my first official week as one of the unemployed masses.

I have to say, I wasn’t quite sure how to handle my first week at home. I’ve been working since I was 14. That's over 30 years! Ok, some of that was part-time, but it was still steady work. I took about a year-and-a-half off when I started college and another year off when I had my daughter. Other than that, I’ve always had a job. Waking up last Monday with no deadlines to meet, no creative briefs, to review, no projects to approve, and no bunch of emails to sift through was, well… strange. Somehow I muddled through.

I cleaned the entire first floor of the apartment (getting into corners that hadn’t seen a vacuum or dust rag in a LONG time).
Called, texted, IMd and emailed every girlfriend I have.
Sat and stared at a wall for a little while.
Did half of a Rodney Yee yoga video (that is one flexible dude!)
Called hubs so many times at his job that he actually asked me to stop.
And had dinner started before the kids even came home from school.

That was all before 3pm. Yes... I was a little lost.

After that hyperactive Monday melt-down (because that’s basically what it was) I got smarter with my free time. By Wednesday I was hanging out with the kids, connecting with old friends, enjoying the endless entertainment of the afternoon ~~circus~~ news, catching up on all the blogs I love (and discovering some lovely new ones in the process). Plus, I had a really , really amazing Girls Nite Out .

In other words, I took a moments to breathe. And it was pretty damn nice.

It never takes me long to change my thinking (I’m ~~flighty~~ flexible like that). So I have. Simply put, when we get through this recession (knock, knock) the workplace is not going to be the same. I don’t think we’ll all be going back to the same old cubicles, grinding the days and weeks away to make it. There's a big possibility that I may not even find a new job in my field. And I might be OK with that.

But it's only been a week. Talk to me next month.

Questions for the Sexpert please!

2009-02-04T18:48:00.007-05:00

I'm a lucky, lucky Mama!

I'm going to be interviewing Dr. Karen Rayne for a post here on Reign. Her bio....

Karen provides advice and support to parents on how to educate their children and teenagers about sex and sexuality. Karen’s knowledge about adolescent development and education provides her with a solid background for guiding parents through these tricky conversations. She also occasionally moonlights as a sex educator for the children and teenagers themselves.

Pretty exciting, right!

What better way to prep for my chat with Karen than to get some input from other Mamas (namely, you guys) who may be dealing with issues with their own tweens and teens? Teaching kids about sexuality these days is an ongoing conversation and frankly, not always an easy one. We can use all the help we can get.

So give it some thought. Leave your questions in the comment area, and I'll include them in my chat with Karen.

What's your girl putting on her face? A chat with Good for You Girls. Part II

2009-01-28T23:24:00.013-05:00

My chat with Good For You Girls founders, Kim and Grace, continues below. If you missed Part One, check it out here.

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Me: I noticed that some of the ingredients on the bad list, like formaldehyde and acrylamides are actually BANNED in other countries, yet they’re still used in many of the US products. Why the lack of response from US companies?

GFYG: Currently federal health statues do not require companies to test products or ingredients for safety before they are sold. As a result, companies have no restrictions on incorporating potentially toxic chemicals and untested ingredients in their products.

The natural products industry, however is doing many wonderful things to self govern. Many stores have their own strict criteria and only carry brands that meet strict natural guidelines. Until consumers start to demand change, products will not be reformulated. Until then, it is best to arm yourself with knowledge and shop at a trusted health food store with high standards for personal care products.

Me: Have you encountered any reluctance from retailers who are not quite ready to stock natural products for the tween market?

GFYG: The response to our products has been phenomenal. If a retailer has a tween or personal care consumer they are more than welcoming to our line. In many cases, we are finding that the smaller the retailer, the more they care about their customers and want the natural [products]. If they don’t necessarily have a complete natural focus in their stores, they feel good about also offering the natural solution. We are quite impressed so far with the retailers that have ordered from us.

Me: How did you go about choosing the ingredients that are used in the Good for You Girls products?

GFYG: We did a lot of research on the ingredients that would be effective but gentle enough for young skin, and of course were not considered harmful. This age group simply needs to clean their skin from the day's activities, balance the skin's pH and protect with moisturizer. There is no need for extra ingredients such as anti-aging or exfoliation ingredients found in adult skin care.

Our formulation has only the purest ingredients. The combination of natural surfactants that clean, botanicals that nourish and protect, and preservatives that are safe to use, was achieved through our extensive research and our highly skilled manufacturer. We are excited to add more products to the Good for you Girls line, and you can be assured that they too will be of the highest quality.
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Honestly, learning about all the harmful chemicals that manufacturers add into the beauty products we use every day was a bit shocking for me. I guess slowly poisoning your customers is just par for the course when you're raking in billions off the back, arms, legs and faces of women and girls. Thankfully, companies like Good for You Girls are working to educate consumers and provide safe alternatives. Thanks so much, ladies!

One lucky Mama is just three simple steps from winning a Good for You Girls skincare kit (shown at right).

1) Head on over to Good for You Girls and do some exploring.

2) Pop back here to Reign and in the comment area, list 3 harmful chemicals found in popular beauty products (not including those mentioned in the above interview.)

3) Hurry! First to comment with the ingredients gets the kit!

What's your girl putting on her face? A chat with Good for You Girls! Part I

2009-01-28T21:50:00.007-05:00

Those of us with preteen daughters know that now is the time when girls begin to get interested in beauty and skin care products. Of course, there are loads of choices. But as we move toward a greener, more toxin-free way of living, we have to wonder…what exactly is IN all of those beauty products?

As moms, keeping track of the food that our kids eat is second nature, but what about the products that they're putting on their skin? If it's not something you've thought about, it probably should be. With new reports coming out everyday about unsafe food and tainted drugs, how secure can we be about beauty products...especially products marketed to our kids?

Once again, leave it to a couple of Smart Mamas to tackle a problem and find a solution. Good For You Girls™ is a natural skincare line created especially for young skin. Kim and Grace, the creators of GFYG, were fed up with trying to find skincare products for their daughters that was safe and natural, so they made it themselves! But these ladies are about so much more than beauty. They're adamant about educating their young customers on the harmful ingredients found in most mainstream beauty products:

We believe health should never be sacrificed for beauty. We also believe good habits start at a young age. It is our responsibility to educate our children to the dangers of chemicals in the world and in the products they use. -- GoodForYouGirls.com

I got a chance to ask the ladies a few questions and boy, did I get schooled on some of the questionable stuff I've been slathering on my skin for years. Get your holy-crow hats on Mamas (as in "HOLY CROW! How can they get away with that!?) and while you're at it, fix yourself a glass of ice water, because what you're about to learn is going to have steam coming out of your ears.

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Me: I love the Good for You Girls site! It’s absolutely adorable, and yet you ladies pull NO punches when it comes to informing your visitors on some of the harmful ingredients used in mainstream beauty products -- ingredients that are downright scary! Can you tell the moms here at Reign a little about some of the more popular ingredients that are used in common beauty products?

GFYG: While every manufacturer has their own formula for each of their products depending on function, there are several ingredients found in formulas that we at Good For You Girls find totally unacceptable. For example: In cleansers there are chemicals called Sodium Laurel/ Laureth Sulfate. These ingredients are used in many soaps, cleansers, shampoos and household cleansers to enhance the foaming action of the product. It is a common skin irritant and is rapidly absorbed into the heart, liver, brain, and eyes, which can cause long- term effects. It has been linked to cataracts in adults and inhibiting proper development of children’s eyes.

Another ingredient of concern is 1,4-dioxane. It is found in popular baby soaps, bubble baths and shampoos. Often found in the product it may not listed on the label. 1,4-dioxane is a known animal carcinogen and probable human carcinogen, according to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. Companies do not disagree that this chemical is toxic, however they argue that they use “just a little bit”. Our issue is that because it is found in so many products used daily, the chemical exposures add up.

Me: It’s infuriating that companies would even use this stuff in the products that we use on our skin and our children’s skin. So of course that leads to my next question …WHY do they use them?

GFYG: All of these chemical concoctions most likely started in the test tube as a fast/inexpensive way to formulate products. Most companies had no real way to test long-term effects of these chemicals. Nor did they really know how they would affect the body immediately and over a lifetime. But with everything they do know today, it is hard to accept these conscious bad decisions made by personal care companies. Profit has much to do with it as well because natural formulas are much more expensive to formulate. And consumer demand also plays a roll. If consumers don’t demand better and educate themselves on what they should look for on a label than manufacturers won’t change anything. Consumers have a huge opportunity to bring about change with the choices they make.

Me: Do you find that most people are really surprised when you inform them about the dangers of some of these ingredients? Or even that people are a bit in denial and don’t want to believe it, because that would mean that these manufacturers just don’t care?

GFYG: We think many people are just not aware that what we put on our bodies is just as important as what we put into it. Your skin is the largest organ of your body. It only makes sense that we need to take better care of the outside. As more people take better care of themselves and the media reports on these issues more frequently, the general public will start to demand better products from manufacturers.
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Oh there's SO much more.

Check back in tomorrow for Part 2 of this interview and to find out how you can win a free Good for You Girls skincare kit for your own girl-child!

"Feel Good, Girl!" Book Winners Announced!

2009-01-27T22:06:00.004-05:00

I'm VERY excited to announce we have our three winners for the free copies of Feel Good Girl!. A big congratulations to:

• Tracie from Good Enough Mother

• Denise from Good Enough Mother and Note 2 School (When you visit her blog, I bet you'll have one of those "Now, why didn't I think of that!" moments.)

• Tanyetta of Days Like These and Write and Wrong Signs Warning: do not click either of Tanyetta's links if you are eating, chewing gum, or drinking because you are guaranteed to end up choking from laughing so hard with food in your mouth.

The books are on the way, ladies. Enjoy and thanks so much for entering!

Felicia

From girdles to Wordles in a single click!

2009-01-24T20:06:00.008-05:00

So I'm over at MamaLaw today, yukkin' it up over Justice Ny's run-in with some temperamental lingerie, and I notice something interesting in the nav bar. One of the law ladies (Justice Fergie, I believe) had posted a "Wordle" for the blog.

Of course I-- in my sad fog of technological ignorance-- had absolutely no idea what a Wordle was, so I clicked on the little image to find out more. Definitely one of my best clicks all week!

Wordle.net is a site that generates a word cloud (a really cool customizable word cloud!) based on the most popular words on a blog, a website, or any other text entered. I made a Wordle for Reign and got the image you see over in the nav bar. It turned the words that I use most often here on the blog into a fairly impressive little piece of poetic artwork... if I do say so myself.

The best part is that you can wordle any text; and there's a huge gallery of other people's Wordles that you can browse. Here's one someone did for the word Mother.

In light of our Inaugaration extravaganza last week, here's one for "America The Beautiful"

And here's one for Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech {gasp} goosebumps!

I'm off to play on the site some more. Check it out yourself if you're like me and had no clue what it was until 5 minutes ago. It'll make your day.

Cast your vote for Worst Toy of the Year!

2009-01-22T13:23:00.005-05:00

Speaking of toys that promote limited gender roles, narrow values and snuff out all forms of child-like innocence and free-style imagination, it's time for the TOADYS!

What the heck is a TOADY? Read on…

On February 15, the Toy Industry Association will gather to present their TOTY (Toy Of The Year) Awards. But first, in honor of the industry that has led the way in commercializing childhood, the Campaign for Commercial Free Childhood (CCFC) will present its inaugural TOADY (Toys Oppressive And Destructive to Young Children) Award for the worst toy of the year. From thousands of toys that promote violence and/or precocious sexuality to children and push branded entertainment at the expense of children’s play, CCFC has selected five exceptional finalists. Who will win the dreaded TOADY? --CCFC.com

Click here to see the nominees and cast your ballot!

FREE stuff for cool girls (and Mamas)

2009-01-17T19:58:00.009-05:00

Who doesn't loves free stuff?

Right now, if you head on over to Tracee Sioux's new site The Girl Revolution, you'll find more free stuff than you can shake a stick at. (What is up with that saying--who goes around shaking sticks at things?)

Some of you are probably familiar with Tracee's old blog, Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me, where she tackled the issues that impact and effect our daughters. Now Tracee has transformed the blog into a new web site where she's doing even more to bring about change by "revolutioniz[ing] the way we think about, treat, and raise girls".

One only has to Google the word “girl” to realize that the very word we use to identify young females of the human species, our precious daughters, has tragically become a four-letter word synonymous with porn. This tragedy is a result of a consumer culture that says it’s not only okay, but quite profitable, to consume girls.We’re fed up and we’re doing something about it.--Tracee Sioux

Whooo! Goosebumps!

Not only is she whip smart, but the woman knows how to throw a launch party. Right now she has no less that 25 giveaways going at The Girl Revolution. That's right...TWENTY FIVE!!! From stationery to lip balm to artwork to room decorations to books (Feel Good,Girl included!) there's no end to the goodies you can get.

Check it out, Mamas. Get informed...and get some stuff.

Girl Ambition is here! Let's chat with the CEO!

2009-01-15T01:00:00.001-05:00

Most of us with computers at home are very familiar with the struggle that develops when children want to start spending time online. Scary issues with the incalculable bevy of kooks who hang out online have put so many parents on edge that some won't even allow their kids to use the computer. When kids are online, constant monitoring of their activities can make it a headache for both them and us. (NNnooooo!!! Don't ever type the word "girl" into Google!!!!)

Well, FINALLY someone has seen the problem and done something about it. Leave it to a group of smart Mamas to come up with the perfect way for girls to enjoy a real online experience --everything from email to chat to video sharing!-- without the standard safety concerns.

How you ask?

With the launch of a brand new website for girls called Girl Ambition! This is SO beyond a simple website. It's the e-answer that concerned parents have been waiting for. But you don't have to take my word for it. I got the chance to chat with the CEO of Girl Ambition, Hilary DeCesare. Check out the interview below…

*********************************************************************
Me: When I received the e-mail telling me about this new site I was very excited. It's a concept that's long overdue. Can you explain to my readers, exactly what is Girl Ambition.com?

HD: Girl Ambition is a fun, interactive online community for tween girls that empowers them through online and offline activities, videos, contests, communication tools like IM and email and an original Web series made just for them. The icing on the cake is that parents love Girl Ambition because we have integrated internet safety tips as well as self esteem and life skills throughout the site.

Me: What made you realize that something like this was needed, and how did you go about gathering the support necessary to make it a reality?

HD: The three co-founders, myself included, really started to see the types of things our girls could find on the Internet by typing simple keywords into a search engine. We were shocked and a bit horrified by the types of information they could easily stumble across. It became a growing concern and passion for us as we started to research this problem more and we set out to do something about it. Today, it is not if our girls are going to get involved in video sharing and communication tools, it’s when; and our thought was we better step in and give parents a safe solution.

Because we all have previous related work experience in the fields of site development, marketing, sales, etc. we were able to collectively leverage our contacts and resources to build Girl Ambition. Once people learn about the mission of the site and see what we are doing, they want to help.

Me: There are lots of unique features and content on the site that make it more than just a communication tool (email / IM). A girl could literally hang out at the site all day. Can you tell us a bit more about the extra features?

HD: The site really incorporates communication and social networking elements, videos, games and all the other tools girls crave. Features of Girl Ambition include:

- GabLiveTV: A weekly video segment hosted by Dani-Girl that encourages girls to try something new. Segment focuses range from an interview with pro skateboarder Tony Hawk, indoor skydiving and an inside view into the animal care profession. Girls can also submit their own videos and vote for their favorites.

- The Closet: An area where girls can dress up their own 2D avatars in different looks, including stylish clothing, imaginative costumes or even design their own unique fashions.

- Activity Studio: Girl Ambition’s Activity Studio gets girls off the computer to learn about the world around them. Each week new activities are added, such as how to tune up your bike or how to make creative picture frames.

Most importantly, throughout the site we highlight the 5 levels of self esteem and Internet safety fundamentals. We do it in such a creative way that the girls don’t even realize they are learning. With teen suicide at its highest ever and predators targeting our girls, this becomes the essence of the entire site. Today’s parents can’t keep up, and Girl Ambition is there to help.

· Parent Resources: Moms and dads can find information and advice on raising tween girls, conversation starters and activity ideas. Additionally, parents can opt for a monthly email that outlines their daughter’s activities on the site.

Me: Here at Reign, we're big believers in the idea that parents have true control when it comes to what their children are exposed to. I was pleased to see that parental control is a big part of Girl Ambition. Can you tell us a bit more about that?

HD: Yes, that was a huge focus of the site. Girls may not sign up on Girlambition.com without their parents’ consent. Parents must also approve their child’s email and IM buddy lists so they know who their daughter is talking to on the site. We have incorporated the latest, most secure versions of communication tools that tweens want to use such as email, instant messaging and video sharing. We also enable parents to see the kinds of activities their daughters are doing on the site.

Me: I remember that once my daughter hit a certain age, her privacy became very important to her. How do you manage the parent and girl sections of the site so that the girls don't feel like "mom or dad is reading my e-mails / spying on me"?

HD: We really put a lot of thought into this piece of the site and we have a completely separate login page for both the girls and their parents. Parents cannot access their children’s email or IM communication, but they do approve the friends their daughters are corresponding with, alleviating a lot of the concerns around cyberbullying and Internet predators.
*********************************************************************
So there you have it. How amazing is that? Girls not only get the chance to learn the Internet ropes in a fun, age-appropriate environment, but they also get real-deal lessons on online safety while they're at it. What more can an Informed Mama ask for ??!!!

Head on over the GirlAmbition.com and check it out!

Get a FREE copy of "Feel Good, Girl!"

2009-01-12T16:45:00.010-05:00

I told you it was time for change here at Reign. And to prove it, I'm kicking things off with a giveaway. Whooooo!!!

I've got 3 copies of Feel Good, Girl! sitting here looking very shiny and new. It's a great little book to share with the preteen girls (8 to 13) in your life. I've even had a few post-teen girls tell me they've enjoyed it also.

In order to avoid shamelessly blathering on about my own book ('cause I'm a humble Mama at heart), I'll just give you the synopsis from the back cover…

Acne, boys, periods, cliques, cattiness, parents … the list of things that girls have to deal with could go on forever. Sometimes, you can skate through these issues with no problem. Other times, they can really get you down.

Truth is, you can’t change all of the stuff that’s going to be happening to you in the next few years. What you can change is how you deal with it. A big factor in how you feel (physically, mentally, and emotionally) is how you handle stress. And let’s face it… at your age… stress may as well be your middle name.

That’s where this book comes in.

You can look at things in one of two ways: you can let all the crap get you down and affect how you look, act and feel … OR … you can learn how to take the stuff that’s on your back and twist it, tweak it and untangle it to fit your life the way you want!

Inside this book, you’ll find:

15 real-deal tips to help you tackle the tough stuff and take control.
Fun ways to move your body, feed your belly, and exercise your brain.
Projects to help you relax and to set your imagination free
Power Pills of wisdom from woman and older girls who have “been there, done that” and may be able to offer something you can take away from their experiences.

So cop a seat, kick back ... and get ready to FEEL GOOD!

If it sounds like fun (it's a great activity book for mothers and daughters to read together, btw) just shoot an email to felicia@myfeelgoodgirl.com with FREE FGG! in the subject line.

First three Mama's to reply get a free copy!

Let the reign begin!

2009-01-11T00:21:00.007-05:00

It's time for a few changes around here.

Since releasing Feel Good, Girl, I've been busy learning all I can about organizations, initiatives and smart people who are also interested in empowering girls. Throughout this, I've discovered that one of my most powerful tools for reaching out is right here at Reign. (Whoooo!)

I like to refer to Reign as the place where moms can "chat, rant and freak-out in privacy" (and we do a lot of that here. don't we Mamas?). But, my #1 initiative for the 09 is to become a forum for the positive things that are happening in the culture. There are lots of smart people out there who have decided that our girls' well being is worth fighting for. Let's give them some love!

Be on the look out for interviews, give-aways, expert advice and other special features that will highlight the people who are making moves, fostering change, and doing everything in their power to usher in the reign of the girl child! (Yeah, that last line is a little corny. So? It's cool to be corny when you're excited!!!)

Squeeeeeeeee!

What a lovely vajayjay you have!

2009-01-07T12:03:00.007-05:00

Forgive me for this post, Mamas. It's not going to be pretty. It is however, long overdue. The '09 is supposed to be my year to loose my self-censor and start saying what's really on my mind. Plus, if I have to be subjected to the bizarre freestyle musings of my brain, then dammit, so do you.

So let's talk about the vagina. Whatever you call it -- vajayjay, cooter, vadge, noni, monkey, Miss Lily or, as my daughter referred to it after discovering it tucked away in her Pull-Up, "bajinoe" (she doesn't call it that anymore, thank goodness) -- it's the source of much wonder and mystery. Or at least it used to be.

It seems that ever since Sharon Stone purposely flashed hers in that ice pick movie, the ginny has come out of the closet…and not in a good way. What was once the beautiful giver of pleasure and life is now imperfect, ugly and very much in need of improvment. How else do you explain these bajinal bizzarities…

Got floppy lips (or "flips", if you prefer)? Get 'em trimmed to porn star perfection.

Bikini waxes are more popular than ever… especially among the tween set.

Need a change? Put the mystery back in your pants with a pubic wig (yeah, you read that right)

Rinse away the gray with dye for "down there"

And let's not forget to keep it fresh, girls.

What the hell? Are we inviting it over for tea? It’s not supposed to be pretty. It's got work to do! Right off the top of my head, I can think of at least 4 heavy-duty functions that this little powerhouse handles on a regular basis. There may be more, but hey… that's your business.

So what if it's bushy or flappy or going gray? Give it the dignity of doing its job unhampered by wigs, dyes, deodorants or hot wax. And let's not forget who these "improvements" are really being made for. When's the last time you saw a man getting anything down there trimmed so it was prettier?

Let the bajinoes be free!

New Year, same old Mama. Or maybe not.

2009-01-03T00:18:00.001-05:00

So 2009 is off and running. Whee!

In light of the fact that I'm starting the new year with no job , I'm surprisingly upbeat. Well, technically I have a job until the 30th but then I'll be letting the doorknob hit me you know where. But I'm keeping it all in perspective. This is a great chance for me to work on some of my own projects that have been sitting patiently on the sidelines while I've been slaving like a Clydesdale at the 9 to 5.

So I'm starting the New Year off with some very nice prospects for freelance work, a pending reunion with an old friend I haven't seen for 15 years (damn I'm old!), and - just this past weekend- a nice lunch with one of my fellow Disney Mixer Mamas, Renee. Let me just say that the woman is a friggin' blog genius! Seriously, I wish I had dusted off the mini recorder and stowed in my bag for our lunch at Houston's. She is a wealth of bloggy advice! Thanks again, Renee!

On another note, Michele over at The Integrated Mother, had a pre-New Year's post that officially schooled me in the priorities department. In it, she introduces The Wheel of Life, or the “Assessment Wheel,” which she learned about while training at the Coaches Training Institute in 2003.

She explains,"The wheel allows me to quickly gauge my level of satisfaction in eight primary areas of my life - Career, Personal Growth, Fun & Recreation, Health & Well-being, Money & Finances, Friendships & Family, Physical Environment, Love & Romance. The wheel helps to clarify the areas in my life that need some attention."

Okay. Sounds safe enough. So, of course I had to try it. I mean, the link was right there. Why not? Well..... LOOK at my wheel, Mamas!

It's a sad, sorry-looking, lopsided, off-balance mess!! I'm not even going to get into what the colors of the wheel stand for. It's just too damn embarrassing. Plus, you can try it yourself here.

The thing about this wheel is, it's really accurate. At least it is for me it is. It's sort of forced me to look at where I've been putting my efforts, and what I've been neglecting. I've got my work cut out for me.

Try the wheel out yourself and see what you think.

2009 = A New Age of Enlightenment???!!!

2008-12-24T11:42:00.006-05:00

What in the hot and holy heck is going on??!!?

I base the content of this blog on the unending barrage of bad influences from our overly commercialized, hyper-sexualized, consumer-crazy culture.

I'm the analyzer and the bearer of bad news. I enjoy my job. But recent browsing through all my Google feeds has left me wondering: Are we taking a turn for the better? Take a look at these headlines.....

MTV scraps crappy reality crap for shows that feature themes of affirmation and accomplishment! "Says Brian Graden, president of entertainment at MTV Networks music channels and president of Logo. 'Our shows are going to focus less on loud and silly hooks and more on young people proving themselves. These are themes that are consistent with the Obama generation.' " -- Target Market News

Whaaaat?!!?

Teens cut back on holiday spending and tell their parents it's OK to do the same?! Shakara Walker, 18, a senior at Benjamin Banneker High School in Atlanta says. "Since I've gotten older, it's got to the point now where gifts aren't everything,"

Huh??!

Bratz are going away??!

No way!

A new essay contest that encourages teens to think about the greatest obstacle they've had to overcome and awards a cool grand to the winner?

What? Who dat?

Marketers, MTV and popular culture trends that encourage our kids to open their minds and hearts? Could it be that the Reign of the Girl Child is finally beginning?

{gasp…gasp…gasp…rolling on floor clutching heart}

But wait! It's not all candy hearts and rainbows...

Video game makers are still pushing the same stereotypical cheerleader-y, pretty-look-at-me, fashiony , entertain the masses ideals on girls.

Bratz may be going away? But Barbie's still hanging on with her perfectly manicured hands and gravity defying boobies.

And of course, there's still THIS

Yup, I still have a job to do! Not sure if that's good or bad, but I'll take it!

Girl-Child Lesson #1: Don't get stuck without savings!

2008-12-22T16:23:00.022-05:00

My daughter will be 15 soon. And so it begins...

Already she's dropping hints about driving (BOOO!)

She's mentioned getting a job next summer (YAY!)

She's also under the mistaken impression that once she is making her own money (via the aforementioned summer job), she will be free to get her ear cartilage pierced (ouch!) and accumulate clothing in various styles that are more "her taste". (Ahhh… the insane chutzpah of youth! Sweet thoughts, but not it in THIS lifetime, honey).

The one thing that I will be stressing, as she takes her first babysteps out into the real world, is the importance of SAVING.

As a woman of the married variety, some people find it strange that I keep my own personal account, separate from my joint account with my hubs. Is it strange? Hell to the naw!! It's something the women in my family have always stressed..."Every woman needs to have her own money! You never know when some fool of a man is going to run off, go crazy or drop dead." Okay, so my family is not the most eloquent (or subtle) of clans, but they do have a point.

Even if it's only ten bucks a week. Put it aside and don't touch it! Hell, that's $520 a year… and that's nothing to sneeze at. Gail Marks Jarvis goes even further with the math in one of her recent columns in the Chicago Tribune.

"A person who saves $5 a week and invests it in CDs at a bank could have about $8,800 if they earn 5 percent on average over 20 years. A person who saves a little over $12 a week, or $50 a month, can accumulate roughly $20,400."

She goes on to tell us that in households headed by women "only 33 percent of the women said they save regularly, compared with 41 percent of all households. Just half of women who were divorced or separated had some savings, and among women who never married, 47 percent had savings." That's a little scary.

It's vital that when our girl children do enter the workforce, they begin to understand what they're facing. Women, on average, are still making less than men and tend to know less about handling money. Compound that with no savings to fall back on during tough times (like right now!) and you've got yourself a recipe for credit card debt, bad last minute loans, and scrimping to make ends meet. It's not pretty.

But at the same time, I know some women who are very good with their money. I could personally stand to be better. I'm more of a standard saving account /occasional CD girl. I could definitely benefit from learning more about other ways of savings that are safe and guaranteed, even in this economy. I think I'll take my own advice and have a chat with some of the more saving-savvy mamas I know so I can pass the advice on to my girl-child.

Anyone with any good saving advice to share?

LAST-MINUTE EXTRAS!!
And almost as if we were in some sort of crazy-Mama mind sync, Amy over at Shaping Youth has just finished a 2-part series that focuses on money management for kids. It features tons of links to cool money management tools and smart advice for kids and adults! Check it out!

A holiday shout out & a special gift 4 you!

2008-12-17T10:45:00.005-05:00

So, I'm mired knee-deep in holiday prep, but wanted to take a moment to say a quick Happy Holidays to everyone!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Plus, what better time to share the gift of information? So if you have 20 minutes to spare, check out THIS jaw-dropping piece of informational awesomeness!!! (Which I discovered through PEM).

The Story of Stuff exposes the connections between a huge number of environmental and social issues, and calls us together to create a more sustainable and just world. It'll teach you something, it'll make you laugh, and it just may change the way you look at all the stuff in your life forever.

Please DO watch it, and walk away a more enlightened Mama.

Annual Eggnog-Laced Rant on Toys - Part II

2008-12-11T21:38:00.010-05:00

So yesterday I started babbling about segmented toys. You know...pink stuff, blue stuff, girl's toys, boy's toys. What IS the big deal? After all, girls and boys play differently right? Toys should be different to some extent? Right?

Sure, kids play differently, because boys and girl learn differently. Many parents who've raised both sexes will tell you that girls usually master language sooner (hence role-playing games like "house" and doll play) and boys tend to have the advantage in spatial skills (Legos, blocks, building toys,). So there's nothing wrong with boys and girls playing with different of toys.

The issue is with the gender messages being sent by many of the toys that are marketed exclusively to boys or exclusively to girls today.

For girls there's Bratz, Barbie, Hannah Montana, Disney Princesses, and Polly Pocket, to name a few. All of these toys are centered around a few central ideas: let's do our hair, let's put on makeup, let's get dressed up, let's have a party, let's sing, dance or put on a fashion show, let's design clothes, let's put ourselves on display.

For the boys we've got Power Rangers, Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Hot Wheels. Anyone remember Masters of the Universe? The messages are: let's fight, let's race, let's be tough, let's compete, let's gross someone out, let's take over the world, let's beat up some people. (How scary is the dude on the right, btw? I wouldn't let my 5-year-old see Spider-Man 3 because of him, even though the movie was marketed to kids that young.)

And since most toys today are based on television or movie characters, kids already have ideas of how these toys should act. So where does that leave us?

Hmmm. Hundreds (thousands?) of toys, all sending the same sorts of messages. Millions of kids, just getting settled into the awareness of their own gender, all very likely to identify with the actions of these toys and internalize the gender behaviors...I no likey

It would be one thing if there were only a handful of toys pushing these limiting messages, but have you walked through a toy department lately? This stuff is pretty much all you can find. For the aware parent or caretaker who wants to add a little variety to the toy box , the search can get real frustrating, real quick.

But you don't have to take my word for it. Just take a stroll through the toy department of any store and experience it for yourself. Try it. It's entertaining.

Annual Eggnog-Laced Rant on Toys - Part I

2008-12-10T11:49:00.008-05:00

With Christmas only two weeks away I'm running a bit behind schedule on my annual eggnog-laced rant on modern toys. But never fear, after my last week who needs rum-spiked beverages to work oneself into an angry tizzy over greedy marketers who would sell sex toys to our kids if they thought they could get away with it?

Plus I've got a leg up this year, because I did a section on toy messages in my LICAC workshop a few weeks ago. So I can be lazy and worked-up at the same time. Whee!

For those of you who are new to Reign, I’ll fill you in on the method to my madness so you don't think I’m a complete nut job (partial maybe, but definitely NOT complete!). I do not have a problem with toys. I LOVE toys! We had lots of them growing up and spent many a magical afternoon playing out fantastical scenarios. I also work in the toy industry, so I have an understanding of what goes into creating great toys for kids. At the same time, I'm a promotional writer, so I've spent many hours studying consumer trends in order to speak to consumers in language that motivates them to make a purchase. So I'm not coming at this toy thing one-sided … I'm looking at it from all sorts of nutty angles.

But for the sake of space (and time, because I could easily go on all day…and no one wants that) I'll tackle one thing at a time. So today, I'll just give you some food for thought...

Have you ever noticed that you don’t really find big gender differences in baby toys? Children under 4 years of age don't give a damn what they play with. Boys and girls will play with a doll a car a box …an old shoe... they don't care. Their stimulation and learning comes from interacting with the world around them, and they're curious about everything. It's a beautiful time!

For a preschooler or a kindergartner on the other hand, gender is starting to come into play. Toy makers know this. Which is why once you move from the infant/toddler section of the toy department into the preschool section, things start to get very segmented…either the aisles are PINK PINK PINK or BLUE BLUE BLUE. For example…

Images from --LIFE Weekend Magazine, April 2007

Pretty striking, huh?

So what's the big deal? Oh dear, I've become faint with excitement and must now rest. In other words, tune in tomorrow for Part II.

Out of a Job … But Back in the Saddle!

2008-12-09T16:01:00.010-05:00

I've been out of the loop for a little bit, Mamas.

As of last week, I've officially joined the masses of the soon-to-be-unemployed. My company is closing and I'll be out of a job at the end of January (BOO!!).

I figure I'm entitled to a few low-down days of wandering around in a whoa-is-me daze, so I took my pitiful act on the road for about a week. Guest stars included Big College Sweatshirt, Stained Pajama Pants, and Jumbo Doritos with his road crew, Ben & Jerry.

It was nice while it lasted (not really), but being down in the dumps gets old (and fattening) after a while. So today, I climbed out of my sad sack and I'm ready to get back to business here at Reign.

Also, I've missed about a week of updates, insight, and smart Mama talk from my favorite blogs ... and that simply will not do! So I'll be spending the next few days catching up on all the good stuff. I missed during my pity party. Whee!!!!

Doorbuster Deals & Death at Wal-Mart

2008-11-29T13:53:00.008-05:00

With a house full of guests and a third meal to prepare for tonight (oh yeah, when the Battle clan gets together for a long weekend, it's non-stop!) any sane person would be chilling out with their loved ones, enjoying the company and reveling in the togetherness. But screw that, I need a break!

So with all the kiddies pushed off on some poor uncle for an early matinee, I'm taking a mommy-moment. Hmmmm...what shall I do with my free time? Well, there's the computer right there; beckoning with its sleek 21st century wiles and little blinking light. It's so pretty and inviting. So here I am!

Plus, I couldn't possibly make it through the rest of weekend without blogging about this friggin' story , which has worked my normally comfy panties in a big-ass bunch!

Something is seriously wrong when someone has to die so a bunch of idiots can get their hot-little hands on some damn door-buster cardigans! These are Christmas shoppers? Does anyone even know the meaning of Christmas anymore? What the hell happened to peace on earth and gooodwill toward men? Anyone seen those around lately? The thing that hit me hardest about this story was this quote from an eye-witness to the tragedy…

“When they were [told] they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, ‘I’ve been on line since yesterday morning,’ ” … “They kept shopping.” -- NY Times

Seriously, people? And for what? Oh excuse me... these deals are unbeatable...

Items on sale at the Wal-Mart store included a $798 Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV, a Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9.-- Fox News

Christmas morning will be extra-special when little Johnny opens his new Hulk DVD, and squeals with delight. And when he watches it time and time again for about a week before tossing it into his pile of other watched movies, someone can feel really nice that Jdimytai Damour, age 34, certainly did not die in vain.

There are truly no words for this story. But then again; greedy, selfish, heartless, thoughtless and ignorant do come to mind. Feel free to add some of your own.

Monday Musings & Something Hilarious

2008-11-24T17:43:00.008-05:00

Monday's arrival is a bit of a relief this week. After this past weekend, I can use the rest!

Spent the entire day both Saturday and Sunday cleaning, de-cluttering, rearranging, and organizing in an attempt to make my house look halfway decent for company that will coming into town for Thanksgiving. Since it was freezing here in NY over the weekend, I didn't mind staying in. But despite my domestic-diva duties over the weekend, my brain was still ticking away on the workshop that I did for the Long Island Counselor's Annual Conference on Friday.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was pretty nervous about presenting to 18 middle school counselors, library directors, and youth workers. What could I tell them that they didn’t already know? Well, I worried for nothing. I had a fantastic group.

I did the presentation (which included examples of current pre-teen targeted advertising, toy catalogs, magazines, toy samples, comic books, and a rousing rendition of Lil' Wayne's Mrs. Officer) and they responded to it wonderfully. We ended my 1-hour presentation with an in-depth half-hour discussion, lots of Q&A, and a general acknowledgement that there is much to be done in the realm of media literacy; including educating parents.

In all, I'm SO glad I did it and can't wait to do it again. I also made some REALLY great connections that could pan out into some great stuff down the road, but more on that later.

Anyhoo, we had some laughs on Friday even though my presentation topic was pretty serious. But there's a lot of truth to that old saying "you have to laugh at bad situations or you'll end up crying about them." Actually I don’t think that is a saying at all. Sounds like I just made that up…Sounds pretty bad. But you get the idea. I really just needed a segue way to tell you about Target Women.

Target Women is a recurring segment on Current TV's weekly television show, infoMania. Featuring the funny-as-hell Sarah Haskins, each episode of Target Women takes a look at the often-ridiculous way the media reaches out to women. In honor of my domestic diva weekend…here's Sarah's exploration of ads for cleaning products. Laugh it up, Mamas.

Masochistic Mama in the House!

2008-11-18T15:10:00.008-05:00

The holidays are coming. Trips need to be booked. Menus need to be planned. Decorations await hanging. Children are making ludicrously expensive wish lists. So what do I do? I decide to do a workshop for the Long Island Counselors Annual Conference.

Do I get off on torturing myself with excess work? Enjoy obsessing over research and PowerPoint slides? Get a rush from the need to constantly restrain myself from drop-kicking a temperamental printer? Am I glutton for punishment? Hell no! I'm about three steps away from curling up into a mumbling little ball of nerves. But I'm still very excited, and a bit nervous. A conference of middle and high school guidance counselors and college admissions counselors is the last place I expected to be doing a workshop.

Inspiring preteens to work their dreams? Sure.

Chatting with other parents on the crazy effects of the media on our kids? OK!

Presenting a workshop to professional counselors? Aaaaack!

But when one of the conference organizers mentioned that there was a lack of workshops for middle school guidance counselors I found my hand going up in the air Horshack-style.

How could I resist?

So here's my topic
MOLDED BY THE MEDIA: Pop Culture, Music, Advertising & The “Tweenager”

And here's what it will encompass…
A brief look at how the following types of popular media affect adolescents – music lyrics, advertising, movies and television shows, and licensed toys and games derived from TV and movies. Included will be a discussion of the 2007 APA report on the sexualization of girls; the 2006 study from the AAP on degrading music lyrics; the CBC article on ads aimed at kids; and a discussion of a teacher survey on adolescent obsession with celebrity and fame.

Give or take….There's SO much to cover. And new research/ examples have come out since I submitted this description in the summer. Plus, I have such a passion for this topic that I really had to reign myself in. I've only got 90-minutes afterall. But I’m still SO excited! The chance to talk with counselors who witness firsthand the media stranglehold on kids everyday? You would have to lock me up to keep me from doing this!

And provided I don’t freeze up, pass out, or crap on myself during the presentation, I'll be blogging about it this weekend. Pop back in!

The Obamas as Helicopter Parents?

2008-11-12T16:49:00.005-05:00

With all the talk of the Obama girls being the first young children to live in the White House in a long time, the term Helicopter Parenting has been coming up. I don't know about that. That term has a pretty negative slant. As clinical psychologist Mark Crawford explains in this article,

…the term comes from the concept of hovering. They're always around their kids' life, kind of on the fringe, always making sure things go the way they need to go and not really allowing the kids to figure out solutions to problems on their own. -- CNN

The Obamas don't seem to have this type of parenting style at all. They seem to be very involved, hands-on parents, but not to the point of stifling their girls' development. You wanna see some helicopter parenting? Come to my son's next soccer game and I'll show you some hovering mamas. We all love our children, but there are some moments when parents just have to take a deep breath and let it go. For instance…

1) Yes, we understand that little Fredro will have a conniption fit if he can't have rainbow sprinkles, but you holding up the ice cream line to address the manager about it is not helping anyone. They ran out! Tell the kid to eat chocolate sprinkles or eat nothing.

2) When Missy gets kicked in the shin during a soccer game, she'll be OK. She's wearing shin guards and thick socks. No need to sprint onto the field like Batman and carry her off. Kids can suck it up… if you let them.

3) Sometimes small people need to slam into the wall, coffee table or the hard corner of the couch to figure out that running through the house in slippery socks is not a smart idea. There's no point in saying "Please stop running before you fall, honey" 1,358 times. The kid's not listening, and you're annoying everyone else. Better yet, snatch him up and make him sit in a corner until he stops running.

4) Every child has eaten M&Ms, Cheerios, raisins (we hope those were raisins) or other questionable food items from under the couch cushions. It's what they do. They can tolerate a few germs. No need to give the child Listerine bath for eating some crusty morsel off the floor.

It's easy. Take a deep breath …… and let it go. I'm doing it right now. Feels real good.

Reign: Back to Basics

2008-11-06T12:35:00.006-05:00

In the past few weeks, between the election excitement; my super Mamas-Only Disney World excursion; and of course the normal day to day of working, living and raising a family, I can't help but feel that I've been neglecting the real foundation of Reign…namely, shedding light on the issues, stories and trends that impact our girls. So to make up for being a blog-looser (blooser?), here's some stuff that should be noted...

* Next week is All Things Girl Week at Shaping Youth! Check it out for a daily for a dose of Real Deal girl power in the form of sites, books, cool finds and other offerings that are 'positive picks' pertaining to empowering girls of all ages. Can't wait!

* This story about a 13-year old Somalian girl who was stoned to death after being gang-raped (she was accused of committing adultery, Mamas!) probably got buried among all the election buzz last week, but I did not miss it. I didn’t want you to miss it either. We may have had a victory of justice and democracy here in the US this week, but let's not forget about the rest of the world. Dammit, humanity has a long way to go.

* From The National Campaign's Pregnant Pause blog, comes a summary of a recent study by the Rand Corporation which confirms a link between television's influence on teen pregnancy…

"Teens who are drowning in sex-saturated TV are twice as likely as their peers who watch little sexy stuff on TV to get pregnant or cause a pregnancy by age 16. "

This confirmation is good to hear, but seriously…duh! Why spend millions to fund a new study that simply reiterates what smart parents have been saying for years? Why not instead, spend that money to make real change? Like education and outreach to kids who would be most effected by this type of programming, or helping more parents understand how this type of programming influences kids. Because really... how many parents are reading studies (besides me, who doesn't count because I'm a dork)?

*The arrival of the giant toy catalogs in my Sunday paper has tipped me off. Yes, the holiday shopping season is about to swing-kick into high gear. Be on the look out for my annual eggnog laced rant on the latest toys to hit the shelves ... are they mere playthings or something more?

Post Election Day Buzz -- YES WE CAN!!

2008-11-05T10:17:00.006-05:00

Whoooo!!!

I'm on a serious high today and I think you know why, Mamas. Last night Barack H. Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States of America. As an American I'm so proud to know that we sent an incredibly powerful message to the rest of the world yesterday. Democracy works! The people spoke… and it was done. God Bless America!

As a black woman, I can barely formulate the words to express how I feel about an African American man being elected to the most powerful seat in the world. But you know I gonna try…

My mother's mom will be 95 next year. She was born in South Carolina, 50 years outside of slavery. The changes she's seen happen in this country have been steady and, I can imagine, as painful as they were exhilarating; but what she saw last night is something she never thought she would see.

When we visit my grandmother we always go to the beach near her house. It's something we grandchildren always took for granted, but my mother can remember a time when blacks were not allowed at that beach. Last night she saw something that she never thought she would see.

I was born in upstate New York in the 70's. As liberal as New York can be, where I grew up there was still quite a bit of tension between the races. Blacks remained in their neighborhoods and whites remained in theirs. My cousins and I used to get into fights with a group of white children a few blocks over who would throw rocks at us and call us the "N" word. I'm not going to say that I never thought last night would happen, but I didn't think it would be this soon.

My 14-year-old daughter has never been ostracized, excluded or called names because of the color of her skin. She understands that such a time existed (and in some cases, still exists) because I make sure she knows of the sacrifices that were made to get us to this point, but she doesn’t have the experience of it. To her last night was pretty huge, but in that teenage way…it was also no big deal.

My son is 5-years-old. He has no concept of race, has never heard the "N" word and his happiest milestone right now is that he can stay between the correct lines when he writes his name. His first recollection of the President of the United States will be of a man that looks like him.

"Impossible" is not even in my vocabulary any more.

It's a Monday Power Trip! Hop Aboard!

2008-10-27T14:51:00.002-04:00

Like most Mamas, I like to think that we empower our girls by encouraging them to ask questions, speak their minds, and think for themselves. But at the same time, we're competing with an onslaught of media messages that tell them that "girl power" really comes from the way they look and how strongly they can attract the attention of others…namely boys.

"Not my girl-child," you might say. But don't ever underestimate the pull of the hotness factor. Even the most level-headed girls can be influenced by the sexualized cues that surround them. You can see it in the burning 'tween need for lip gloss, itty-bitty padded bras and mini-thongs. It's also obvious in flimsy Halloween costumes designed for preteens (Little Bo Peep in a mini-skirt and knee socks? Which nursery rhyme book is that from?!). And since we're being honest here, I'm no innocent bystander. I've got a few tubes of $40 eye cream in my medicine cabinet, too... and I should know better.

So where does true power come from? Ask Kristina over at Mom on the Rise. Her beautiful post is what got me rolling on this Monday Power Trip in the first place.

In Warrior Marks: Part 1 (the Overview), Kristina reveals how a traumatic experience during her youth (her rape and the subsequent rejection of her claim by those who were supposed to protect her) morphed into angry, self-destructive behavior.

"Sex is Power and I would NEVER relinquish power again. I wore sex as knights wore armor. Rather than get close to some one, I had sex. I managed to detach sex from emotion completely and lived with anger ready to boil over at any minute." --Mom on the Rise

Read the entire post here. Be prepared to have your soul shaken. Kristina was eventually able to move beyond her pain and get the help she needed to reclaim her true power…the stuff that was inside of her all along. I met Kristina during my weekend at the Disney Mom Blogger Mixer and I can attest; this is a woman who knows who she is and is so at peace in her own skin that she gives everyone around her a good-energy buzz. Now that's girl power!

How do we inspire that type of confidence in our girls? Hell, how do we inspire that in ourselves?

Vote However You Like!

2008-10-24T21:10:00.006-04:00

Of course Reign is not a political blog, but this was TOO good to pass on. Leave it to kids to get the point across better than any political talking-head ever could.

Enjoy!

Disney Week (extented) Part IV-The Princess Paradox

2008-10-20T20:38:00.012-04:00

If you're a regular visitor here @ Reign, you know that this blog was created as a gathering place for Mamas to share, discuss and dissect the issues that effect our pre-teen and teenage daughters. You also know that there are a few key things that get my normally comfy panties in a big ol' bunch. They include:

1. Sexually explicit/misogynistic songs playing on the radio at 4 the afternoon.

2. Frighteningly inappropriate television programs playing at 4 in the afternoon (i.e. anything that features Flava Flav in the shower with 2 naked women...dry heave)

3. Music videos, television shows and advertisements that portray women as unthinking objects for the enjoyment of men.

4. Toys that teach little girls that their power and confidence comes from how they look.

5. Advertising that makes girls and women feel like the way they look is not good enough, sexy enough or "hot" enough unless they have the right clothes, make-up, perfume, lotion, shoes, or shampoo.

So knowing those things about me, it should be no surprise that during my wonderful weekend at the 2nd Disney Mom Blogger Mixer, I was especially interested in their view of the princess aspect. C'mon...you know them; Cinderella, Snow White, Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, Mulan and, in a pinch, Pocohantas. I don't have a personal problem with the princesses per say. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess at one time or another, I suppose. What I have an issue with is the scarcity of other types of female role models coming out of Disney.

And to be fair, it's not only princesses, recently there is also a crop of female pop stars (Hannah Montana, High School Musical, The Cheetah Girls, and Camp Rock) that have come out of Disney as well. So what's a girl to do if she is not the pretty princess/look-at-me pop star type? What about the girls who don't have a passion for fashion, or a desire to sing and dance? Aren't there more ways for girls to be empowered other than putting themselves on display or being royalty?

How about through outlets like science, technology, art, and sports? Funny thing is; these are disciplines that are actually quite prominent in the WDW parks. There are several attractions that are designed to get kids thinking while having a ball. So the thought is there, but again, it's not something that the company is pushing to the public. But why not? How cool would it be to have a Girl Power weekend at Disney World where the girls get to explore the earth, "swim" the oceans, and the learn about the vast expanse of space? Or imagine a game show where kids go on a scavenger hunt through the parks to find the answers to trivia questions and win big prizes?

Sigh... one day perhaps. And after an incredible weekend of chatting, brainstorming and hanging out with Disney PR and marketing cast members, I do feel like all of our concerns were heard. That's an incredibly important first step, and one that I'm so honored to have been a part of.

A huge thanks to all of the Disney cast members who made our weekend so special: Sarah (yes, that is her with golden "S" on her chest for "Super Woman"!), Laura (who knows absolutely everything there is to know about Disney!), also Michelle, Annette, Cybil, Maria, Angel, Diego and many others. I may not remember all of your names but I certainly remember the role you played in this incredible weekend. It is one I will never EVER forget!

Disney Week--A Quick Sidebar

2008-10-16T22:09:00.006-04:00

Ok. Yes. Today I had planned on doing another post about my amazing experience at Disney's 2nd Annual Mom Blogger Mixer last weekend. I have a few other points I'd like to hit on...namely the princess paradox that still eats at me a bit and also the numerous thank-you's I'd like to shower over the wonderful Disney cast members that took care of us while we where there.

And I certainly will get to those points, but today...the Mommy B seriously needed a break! So I'll be back this weekend with the next installment in my Disney Week Review.

In the meantime, Mamas...regale yourselves with this. Someone sent it to me today and I spent the better part of the afternoon clicking and giggling (which is probably why I don't have my Disney post prepared). Enjoy!

Disney Week Part III - Behind the Magic

2008-10-15T14:12:00.015-04:00

When you think of Disney what's the first thing that comes to mind? The characters of course! Mickey, Minnie, Cinderella, Snow White, Pooh, Tigger, Donald, Goofy… the list could stretch into one gigantic blog post on its own. But if you have no connection to any of the characters, you may not find yourself enamored by the Disney brand.

Unless you're this lady...

... who promptly fainted after this picture was taken. But that's a whole nutha story.

Anyhoo, in recent years Raven, Hannah Montana, High School Musical and Camp Rock have brought in a huge pre-teen demographic. But still, if you're a bit older or maybe you're a parent who's not thrilled by the idea of having your kids become a walking billboard you may shy away from this aspect of Disney as well.

So what's the point of visiting Disney if you're not fanatical over Mickey or if you're a parent who shies away from heavy commercialism?

The point is...there is a lot more to these parks than the characters. When I was growing up, Disney was all about "the magic" -- Fantasia, Peter Pan, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty. None of which appealed to me (or many other African American children) then or now. And those are the images that probably stand out in the mind of many adults when it comes to Disney.

What isn't so obvious is that the educational aspects of the parks are absolutely phenomenal. And it's something that our mom blogger group pointed out to the execs during our fantabulous weekend at Disney World. You could actually spend an entire week at DW and not see one mouse or duck unless you actively stalked one and tackled it for a photo op. Ahem...
So, local schools, community groups, and even parents who homeschool could greatly benefit from a trip that not only gets the kids out of the house, but also aids in their science and technology, social studies, geography, and natural world lessons.

The wealth of educational resources at the parks are really amazing. Obviously they're not the first thing to come to mind when one thinks of a Disney vacation, but it's an incredible selling point. I know the next time I go to the parks, I'll be planning a few educational days in with the standard wait-in-line-take-a-ride exercise. Because let's face it ... after a few 30-minute waits for a 5-minute thrill ... it's pretty much nap time.

Now all the remains is for the Disney marketing whizzes to begin putting together some nice packages that can help families really capitalize on these amazing educational resources. But never fear. Thanks to your trusty Mama Bloggers...

the Disney crew has heard and hopefully taken heed. No need for applause. Mama Bloggers are always happy to help. Thank you very much. (Cash only...no checks please.)

Disney Week Part II-The Mama Strategy

2008-10-14T12:38:00.006-04:00

OK, I'm much better today. The headache is gone and I finally got some sleep after my whirlwind weekend at Disney World. WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!!!

Between the food, the limos, the wine, the hotel room, and the VIP treatment (Go right to the front of the line ladies!) it would be very easy for me to simply gush about the whole weekend and leave it at that. Honestly, I still have not come completely down from the experience. Yeah, it was THAT good. But to just go on and on about how great the treatment was would not even begin to touch on how much of an impact this weekend had on me.

Despite the dizzying luxury and all out fun, the best part of this mixer was without a doubt… meeting the other Mamas. The purpose of this weekend was for Disney to get a deeper understanding of the perception of their brand within the African American community. So where do you go when you when you want to know what families are watching, how they're spending their $$, which characters the kids love, and how a brand is viewed within a certain community? Straight to the source, of course…you go to Mama!

The Disney execs gathered a panel of 10 African American mom bloggers from around the country. We repped the East Coast, the West Coast, the South and the Mid-West. We were teachers, and lawyers, writers and artists, stay at home moms, home-schooling moms, working moms, execs and entrepreneurs. We were NO JOKE, OK?

With such a diverse group of intelligent and well-spoken women I think Disney got far beyond what they anticipated. And their method for getting our feedback was smart.

#1 They fed us

#2 They sat us down and gathered our perceptions of the Disney brand. You know this group didn’t hold anything back. We shared our views on: the affordability of their vacations, the lack of diversity among their characters, our feelings on the pretty princess stereotype (you know that was me), the lack of role models for boys, and the fact that for many in the AA community Disney is a non-issue because it's deemed as out of reach (as far as affordability) and out of mind (as far as not developing successful advertising that targets our demographic).

#3 We ate

#4 They unleashed us into the parks. We sampled the best of what Disney had to offer: the food, the shows, the parades, the rides, the educational attractions. Did I mention the food? We were sent out with the task of looking at the parks with a critical eye, finding the issues that concerned us and also being open to discovering things that we may not have known before.

#5 They gathered us again and de-briefed us on our experiences. For me, this was the most impactful part of the weekend. Not only had many of our perceptions of the brand changed, but we were able to give them a wealth of ideas for better communicating the good things that they have to offer to our specific audience. I think they got much more than they bargained for. Enough to start developing a real plan of action to make a change. Go Mom Bloggers!

Speaking of which. Allow me to introduce you to the other savvy Mamas I shared my weekend with:

MelADramatic Mommy
MamaLaw...Making Sense of the Maze of Motherhood One Law at a Time
Days like These!--Daily Accounts by Tanyetta
Mom In The City
Cutie Booty Cakes
The Integrated Mother Blog
EbonyMommy.com
Mom Bloggers Club
Mom on the Rise

Be sure to check out their blogs because they will ALL be talking about this weekend and it will be so interesting to read how this experience impacted each one of us in different or similar ways.

Tomorrow: Disney Week Part III-Behind the Magic

Believe It or Not...It's Disney Week!

2008-10-09T16:12:00.010-04:00

It's Monday morning. It's kind of grey outside and I have a banging headache. Normally on a Monday like this I would be sitting here at my desk in a coffee/Tylenol-induced state of pseudo-creativity in which I appear to be working, but am actually blogging, blurking, or doing "work-related research" online in an attempt to look busy until the actual work-mood kicks in, or my boss comes over and asks me for something that requires me to wake up and do what I get paid for. But this morning, despite the gloom and this friggin' headache, I'm actually feeling really energized. WHAT is going on?

Could it be that we are in the home stretch of the most exciting presidential race of my lifetime? I don't know about you, Mamas, but I CANT STOP WATCHING! The debates, the news conferences, the interviews, the subtle insults and full out accusations, the back and forth, the new developments. I'm afraid to turn away because I might miss something!

But that's only part of what's giving this Monday morning so much pop. This could be another reason. It's not every day that a girl gets her own feature spot on Ypulse. (Whoo! Goosebumps, Mamas!) Thanks again Alli! I'm still beaming.

Or could it be this little feature in my hometown newspaper? Nah. That piece is actually pretty old. I just tossed it in because I forgot to mention it before ;-D

So what's the reason for my Monday morning buzz? Well…there is the trip I took this weekend. Oh, did I forget to mention it? I was invited to Orlando this weekend to take part in Disney's 2nd Annual Mom Blogger Mixer.

Now I've done my share of slapping Disney around. When a company has that much power, along with it is going to come some criticism. As the mother of a girl-child, I can not co-sign the pretty princess/pop-diva/watch me sing, dance, design clothes and teach the mean, rich, popular girl a lesson stereotype for little girls that is so prevalent among the Disney propeties. As an African American woman, I've always felt that Disney could do a lot better in the diversity department.

Does that mean I'm going to turn down a FREE trip to the Magic Kingdom? Hell to the naw!!

Plus, from the beginning, this blog mixer struck me as a move from a company that is willing to ask questions and listen. And since they agreed to fly me down to Orlando and house me (luxuriously, as it turned out), feed me (decadently, as it was), thrill-ride me, and treat me to behind the scenes excitement, I had hoped that it would also be a chance for them to hear from me (and other mom bloggers) who might have ideas of how Disney could be more accepting and encouraging to all girls --even those who don't sing and dance or look like Belle, Snow White, Gabriella, Sharpay or Ariel-- and all children in general.

Was I right?

Now, what kind of marketing-Mama would I be if I just blurted out everything about my trip in one huge blog post? Plus… seriously, this trip was a whirlwind. I'm exhausted (hence the headache) and I'm really still processing all the information. It wouldn’t be fair to you or Disney if I tried to get it all in out at once.

So…I tell you what I'm agonna do: I'll take this next week to post a different topic about the trip each day. That way. I get to put some thought into what I write…and you'll get an in-depth report that addresses all the issues that we care about here at Reign.

I like that idea. So I'll see you tomorrow with the first post.

Let's Hear It for Our Girls!

2008-10-06T22:43:00.008-04:00

Somebody once said (don't ask me who... 'cause I don't know) "What's the point of talking the talk if you don't walk the walk?" In other words; it's fine and dandy for me to log in here to Reign and flap my gums about empowering our girls with knowledge and confidence, but what's it all really mean if I'm not doing something to make that change? So without further ado...

What do you get when you take 20 preteen girls, 2 pretty cool adults (if I do say so myself), a feel good book, and a ton of fabric, glitter, puffy paint, stickers, and glue?

You get a Real-Deal Workshop, that's what! Take a look!

A big thanks to the Bryant Library in Roslyn, NY for letting us have our first Feel Good Girl Real-Deal Workshop. This one was themed Work your dreams any way you want!, and it was amazing!! The girls were smart, full of energy, and SO in to the idea that with hard work and some no-holding-back imagination, nothing could stop them from making their dreams come true. And now they've got the dream journals (custom-made by themselves, of course) to work that imagination even harder!

This event wasn't just a nice start for the Real-Deal Workshops, it was crazy fun! My friend and business partner (the highly talented and über creative Maria Ackies) and I were worried about handling so many girls at one time, but it was smooooooth sailing. The girls were incredible and we all had a ball. We can't wait to do it again!

Maybe your library or community center is next? Drop us a line and let's set something up!

Fashion Week?

2008-10-01T21:50:00.011-04:00

With the US economy swirling down the toilet, the last thing on my mind is fashion. But alas, it is Paris fashion week, and the beautiful who's who-ses of the world have flocked to the City of Lights to bear witness to the spectacle. That being said, I can certainly understand that fashion is a reflection of society. What's more, many people make their living in the various fashion fields from textile development to pattern making to, of course, designers and models.

I can appreciate all that. But when I have to wonder whether I'll ever be able to own a home or if I'll be able to send my kids to college, the last thing on my mind is finding the right shoes to go with this ...

I'm just sayin'.

Who's in control of your health? Let your voice be heard right now!

2008-09-19T17:40:00.010-04:00

In the immortal words of Florida Evans... Da-yum! Da-yum! Da-yum! It's simply too nice of a day for me to be swearing and getting worked up , but this did the trick!

Redefined birth control? Vague, wishy-washy language that could easily be interpreted as a way to deny women the information, contraception and health care they need to make vital decisions about their well-being? You like that idea? Hell to the naw, you say? Well let it be known...

We have only days left to speak out against this rule. Submit your comment here.

Also read the NY Times op-ed by Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton and Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards that blasted this rule.

As a woman in my mid-thirties, I can't remember a time when women's health services were not readily available. As I teenager and a college student I relied on organizations like Planned Parenthood. There, I knew I could get affordable, safe contraception, medically accurate sexual information, and reliable health care. I've never not had access to these services. I've never known the horror of women like 29 year-old Adama Tall.

Let's not leave the door open for our daughters to be at the mercy of people who would withhold information, products or services to the detriment of their health. Submit your comment while there's still time.

Drip Drip ....DRENCH!

2008-09-17T13:50:00.006-04:00

When I was in middle school we got stuck with a sub in Earth Science for about a week. I remember absolutely nothing about that class (Slate? Sedimentary rocks? Whaaaat?), but this woman introduced me to an idea that would remain with me the rest of my life. She attempted to explain to us that much of our behavior is influenced by what's around us: society, peers, parents, media. Of course it had nothing to do with Earth Science. I think she got on the subject because all of the boys in the class had on similar sneakers. Or was it jeans?

At any rate, the whole class was quick to tell her she was nuts. We were 13 years old, after all. We had our own minds. No way in hell we were dressing, talking or behaving a certain way because of society. What did society have to do with us? We were cool! It was crazy-talk. She was insane.

Man, I wish I could remember that lady's name. Of COURSE she was right. The images we see, the messages we glean, the appealing looks and actions of others ... these things have a huge impact on our behavior. Why else would companies spend billions of dollars on advertising every year?

It's one thing when adults fall into the traps of advertising and media. Technically we shoulda known better. Caveat emptor and all that jazz. But it's another thing entirely when those traps are set for children. Especially when the messages are sexual in a way that kids don't really understand or aren't ready for.

Time Magazine took a deeper look at this issue last week in an article by Belinda Luscombe. In "The Truth About Teen Girls," Luscombe points out that the main problem with the messages aimed at girls is that there's just too many of them pushing the same thing.

"The real problems arise when the media unanimously suggest that hotness is the only identity worth trying on. And when they venerate physical desirability in young women without explaining how to use it responsibly. And when they define desirability in such a narrow fashion that many girls feel they have to amp up their sexual signals to measure up."

Luscombe also very smartly explains that it's not that girls aren't smart enough to make their own decisions (we know our girls are smart as hell), but when they aren't given alternate choices, how can decide which is best for them?

"...teens are less susceptible to media firestorms that galvanize the grownups, like those set off by a famous pregnant person or a seminaked tween star. But when most outlets say the same thing, the effect can be overwhelming. "We call this the drip-drip vs. the drench effect,"

Like I always say, give kids all the information they need to make good decisions and chances are...they'll make good decisions. Give them half the story (like abstinence only sex-ed) or bombard them with only one kind of limiting message (like today's sexyhotlook@me music and media) and they don't stand a chance.

Our girls deserve so much more. Check out some of the links on the nav bar for some examples of real-deal tween entertainment and education that empowers them from inside out.

Food for thought: unusual blog traffic

2008-09-07T22:32:00.008-04:00

Earlier in the year I added one of those web counters to Reign so I could get an idea of how many people were visiting the blog. I thought it would be interesting to see just how many people were actually stopping in because frankly, comments are few and far between. But as someone who likes to read other people's blogs, I know that comments aren't always a good indicator of your traffic. I mean there are blogs I visit every day--and sometimes multiple times in one day-- but I don't always leave comments.

So anyhoo, I installed a counter to tell me how many visits I get, what posts they read, how long they stay... blah, blah, blappity blah. I learned that Reign actually gets a fairly steady stream of traffic (nice!) and a lot of it is from regular readers. Thanks guys! Of course I have no idea who you are, but I'm glad to know you're tuning in. I'll try to keep it fresh for ya.

One of the interesting features of this counter is that it tells me where a visitor has come from. For example, I get a lot of hits from other blogs that I've posted on. When I leave a comment on another blog I always link back to Reign. Then if someone else reads my comment and clicks the link to visit Reign, the counter will tell me.

So now you're saying "Big deal! What is this, Blogging 101? Get to the point already!"

Alright, alright I'm getting to the point. Jeez!

Ok, I also get visits that come from Google searches on certain phrases. I get a lot of hits from searches on "preteen blog"-- which is good! That means I'm doing my job! And I get a few hits from other topics that I talk about like "teen pregnancy" and "tween birth control." All fine and good.

However (and here's where things get a little strange), because of the nature of the topics I cover, I'm finding that I end up with a lot of traffic from people searching phrases like: "sexy pre-teen babes", "hot sugar mamas", "school house sex" and the ever popular "pantiless girls." But thanks to this post, a good percentage of my traffic comes from people who have googled some variation of "freaky sex" which may include: "freaky sex girls" "teenage freaky sex", "sexy freaky girl" or "freaky sex moves."

Now I'm not one to judge. Maybe these folks are doing research for their own insightful blog that explores how young girls are exploited by a hypersexualized society ... but somehow I kinda doubt it.

Palin, Pregnancy, Politics & A Pink Polka-Dotted Pig

2008-09-02T16:28:00.011-04:00

Sheesh!

Take a break from the Internet for a long weekend and look what happens!! News up the wazoo! Between the Presidential race, the national conventions, back-to-back hurricanes, and the regular old news, I'm a news-site-reading-blog-feed-clicking-Googling-fool! I'll try to be brief while I touch on a few of the big points...but I can't promise anything.

First and foremost: when the heck did back-to-school become a major shopping event? A pack of paper, some pencils, and a pair of new sneakers used to be all that was needed to start the school year off right. Now I have to practically take out a loan to cover the cost of the supply list that the school sends home. Kleenex and hand sanitizer? What's that all about?

Now, on to the good stuff... NEVER have I been so glued to the television for political reasons. Last week the DNC was my favorite show. This week, I'll give the RNC the same attention. After all...McCain opened a big ol' can o'drama with his surprise VP pick. The race to the White House is hotter, juicier and more exciting than anything else on television right now!

Palin, a staunch pro-life advocate, pushed for abstinence only sex ed in her state and pimp slapped any funding for comprehensive sex education without a backwards glance. Now her 17-year old daughter is pregnant… The media and the blog world are having a field day.

Palin's nomination as VP may be a boon to women and another boost on the ladder to busting through the glass ceiling but damn, the commentary behind her nomination is as sexist and nasty as ever:

Shove it down our throats a little more that she's a former beauty queen, please. We enjoy choking on redundant filler.

Let's not forget that she's a milf and a babe

And... eeek!...who will care for her 5 children while she is off running the free world? (When's the last time you heard that question asked of a male candidate?)

On a less political note: America the Beautiful is getting more great reviews as it moves through the nation. Again Mamas, if this movie hits your town you do not want to miss it...take every girl-child and woman you know along for the ride.

And on a global note: A "Pakistani lawmaker defended a decision by northwestern tribesmen to bury five women alive because they wanted to choose their own husbands." --NY Daily News

Sort of makes me feel like all of our political bickering really ain't so bad.

Bikini Wax Babes: De-Fuzzing the Barely Fuzzed

2008-08-15T23:20:00.012-04:00

A few months back I wrote a post that explored the way little girls are brainwashed into believing that their confidence and self-worth is derived from their looks. It touched on the "hot new trend' of Mamas taking their baby girls (as young as 6-years-old) for waxing. You know... legs, armpits, bikini area. Gotta be baby smooth for that trip to Chuck E. Cheese, after all. Have you seen some of the hairy girls crawling around in those Skytubes? Like a colony of hamsters they are.

When I wrote that post in April, the realization that mothers are actually subjecting their daughters to hot wax treatments - and the fact that unscrupulous salon owners are performing and profiting from it - was shocking, but in the back of my mind I held the small ray of hope that this was just a small trend that would eventually go away.

Well, no such luck. De-fuzzing the barely-fuzzed seems to be here to stay, and as one spa owner in Manhattan predicts, "In 10 years...waxing children will be like taking them to the dentist or putting braces on their teeth." -NY Post

Of course this is not news to informed Mamas, trend watchers and regular readers of Reign. However... it is certainly still creepy as hell.