Forgive me for this post, Mamas. It's not going to be pretty. It is however, long overdue. The '09 is supposed to be my year to loose my self-censor and start saying what's really on my mind. Plus, if I have to be subjected to the bizarre freestyle musings of my brain, then dammit, so do you.
So let's talk about the vagina. Whatever you call it -- vajayjay, cooter, vadge, noni, monkey, Miss Lily or, as my daughter referred to it after discovering it tucked away in her Pull-Up, "bajinoe" (she doesn't call it that anymore, thank goodness) -- it's the source of much wonder and mystery. Or at least it used to be.
It seems that ever since Sharon Stone purposely flashed hers in that ice pick movie, the ginny has come out of the closet…and not in a good way. What was once the beautiful giver of pleasure and life is now imperfect, ugly and very much in need of improvment. How else do you explain these bajinal bizzarities…
Got floppy lips (or "flips", if you prefer)? Get 'em trimmed to porn star perfection.
Bikini waxes are more popular than ever… especially among the tween set.
Need a change? Put the mystery back in your pants with a pubic wig (yeah, you read that right)
Rinse away the gray with dye for "down there"
And let's not forget to keep it fresh, girls.
What the hell? Are we inviting it over for tea? It’s not supposed to be pretty. It's got work to do! Right off the top of my head, I can think of at least 4 heavy-duty functions that this little powerhouse handles on a regular basis. There may be more, but hey… that's your business.
So what if it's bushy or flappy or going gray? Give it the dignity of doing its job unhampered by wigs, dyes, deodorants or hot wax. And let's not forget who these "improvements" are really being made for. When's the last time you saw a man getting anything down there trimmed so it was prettier?
Let the bajinoes be free!
So let's talk about the vagina. Whatever you call it -- vajayjay, cooter, vadge, noni, monkey, Miss Lily or, as my daughter referred to it after discovering it tucked away in her Pull-Up, "bajinoe" (she doesn't call it that anymore, thank goodness) -- it's the source of much wonder and mystery. Or at least it used to be.
It seems that ever since Sharon Stone purposely flashed hers in that ice pick movie, the ginny has come out of the closet…and not in a good way. What was once the beautiful giver of pleasure and life is now imperfect, ugly and very much in need of improvment. How else do you explain these bajinal bizzarities…
Got floppy lips (or "flips", if you prefer)? Get 'em trimmed to porn star perfection.
Bikini waxes are more popular than ever… especially among the tween set.
Need a change? Put the mystery back in your pants with a pubic wig (yeah, you read that right)
Rinse away the gray with dye for "down there"
And let's not forget to keep it fresh, girls.
What the hell? Are we inviting it over for tea? It’s not supposed to be pretty. It's got work to do! Right off the top of my head, I can think of at least 4 heavy-duty functions that this little powerhouse handles on a regular basis. There may be more, but hey… that's your business.
So what if it's bushy or flappy or going gray? Give it the dignity of doing its job unhampered by wigs, dyes, deodorants or hot wax. And let's not forget who these "improvements" are really being made for. When's the last time you saw a man getting anything down there trimmed so it was prettier?
Let the bajinoes be free!
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2 comments:
LOL! Too funny. I've been wanting to get a bikini wax (not a Brazilian, eew) because I'm prone to shaving bumps but I'm too chicken!
I'm WAY to chicken to go that route, too. It just seems like it would be uncomfortable on so many different levels.
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