An Ah-Ha Moment!

A recent post on Shaping Youth reminded me of a conversation I had with my daughter a few months back.

As a high-strung Mama who's prone to fits of controlled rage when I see inappropriate crap on television during prime kid-hours -- like Flava Flav slobbing down three scantily clad women at 4 o'clock in the afternoon (shudder * dry heave * shudder) -- my teenage daughter has learned to deal with my ranting in her own way.

Sometimes I'm sure she's listening because she's looking at me like I'm insane. Other times she appears to be listening but may actually be wondering whether there are chips in the kitchen (a la Homer Simpson), and other times she appears to be completely ignoring me, but then pops out with bit of wisdom that stops this old Mama in her ranting tracks. Like this conversation a few months back:

We were watching a commercial for some girl's toy (I can't remember what it was, but does it even matter? They're mostly the same) and I commented: "Did you ever notice how silly most girl toys are?"

HER: "Huh?"

ME: "Girls toys. They're sort of silly."

HER: "Whaddya mean?"

ME: "Well, they're always focused on looks or frivolous things. They're all about putting on make up,shopping, having a party, having a fashion show, getting dressed up, getting married, being a model or doing your hair. Girls like to do other stuff beside sit around and look pretty. Girls like to build things, and they like to run around, and they like to explore and discover new stuff."

HER: (baffled/teenage stare) "Why do you think about this stuff so much? They're just toys."

ME: "Yeah, they're toys. But toys play a big part in shaping how you think when you're little. So if all you play with are pretty dolls, make up, frilly clothes, and princesses, you might think that all that's important is how you look and how others see you."

HER: (in a no-duh sort of tone)"Well, that's what parents are for. It's their job to buy the right kinds of toys so kids don’t think that way."

ME: (blank / open-mouthed stare as I ascended to heaven in my mind, high-fived the Big Guy then floated back down and tried to play it cool.) "Uh…yeah, but what about little girls who don't have parents to tell them that they're more than just pretty, playthings? Maybe the companies who make toys like that should be more responsible, too."

HER: (shrugging shoulders) "But they just want to make money."

ME: (picking jaw up off floor) "Right. And that makes it even worse. They don’t' even care."

HER: (looking contemplative but not saying anything)

So I stopped. She was thinking and that's what I really wanted. But DAMN!!!! She got it! She got that parents hold the keys when it comes to what kids learn and that was SO on-point and such a big deal because I never told her that.

So rest assured, Mamas, it may feel like you're talking to a big pile of rocks when you're trying to get a message across to your utterly modern tween/teen.. but they DO hear you. So don't stop talking.